


Wiretapped Life

by tinyace



Category: Wicked - All Media Types
Genre: Espionage, Everyone's Queer and Everything's Complicated, Other, Surveillance State
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2019-10-16 03:24:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 41,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17541743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyace/pseuds/tinyace
Summary: Oz is split in two after the Wizard’s departure. Like many others in the Ozian Democratic Republic, Glinda suddenly disappears. Little do people know it was her plan to be captured.Because the only way to search for someone who might not even be alive, is to disappear too.





	1. Graffiti

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:** Whilst I cannot deny I have a historic interest in the Stasi and the DDR (German Democratic Republic) and borrowed many aspects of it in this fic, I cannot stress enough that this is still fiction. In no way do I want to sensationalize the horrors that played in the DDR. For a regime that has only been torn apart in 1989, our collective memory has been quick to forget a lot of its horrors and with it the lessons we could learn from it. If you want accurate information I urge you to read nonfiction sources. And if you ever find yourself in Berlin, I _highly_ recommend visiting the Gedenkstätte Berlin-Hohenschönhausen.
> 
> Many thanks to GretchenMaurice and [Rose](http://congratulotions.tumblr.com) for beta’ing! If you’d like to know why I chose a M-rating instead of a T-rating please [read this](https://wickedlyqueer.tumblr.com/post/182378100794/why-i-chose-a-mature-rating-for-my-fic-wiretapped).

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/142883458@N07/46167605434/in/dateposted-friend/)

With a last brush of rouge Glinda checked her image in the mirror. She was still undeniably pretty, but it did not please her to see how much she had aged. The little wrinkles next to her eyes had gotten more pronounced. What she would give to relish once more in the simplicity of her youth.

She sighed and fidgeted with the ring around her finger. It was just her weekly rendezvous, it would be over in a jiff. Glinda twirled the ring off her right ring finger and glanced at it in her palm before deciding to leave it at home in her jewelry box. 

The longcase clock in the hallway downstairs announced it was two in the afternoon and Glinda hastened outside. Though she was running late Glinda could not resist turning left when she was supposed to go right. On the boring concrete walls that plagued the northern part of the city brightly colored graffiti was sprayed. Her heart soared upon seeing the message and with a determined step she crossed the streets and changed her direction back to the salon. 

At the ring of the small bell near the door the woman at the barstool turned around and jumped up delighted to greet her. “Glinda! You sure took your time to get here.”

“Shenshen, darling.” They kissed the air near their cheeks and Glinda slided down the stool next to her. “Beauty knows no time.”

“Look at you. Still every bit the Miss Perfect you were at Shiz.”

“Oh, stop you.” Glinda teased a smile and draped her coat and hat on the nearest chair. “Remember when they still took your coats at the door and guided you to your seats? Times have changed.”

Shenshen shifted her eyes conspicuously. “They sure have. Here, I ordered for you.” She slided a glass of wine in her direction. Glinda could already tell it wasn’t her regular order.

“Perfect. You’re too kind, Shenshen,” she said and took a sip. “Now tell me, how have you been?”

Shenshen went into every little detail about her week. Glinda wasn’t really listening. She dropped a “hmhm” and an exasperated “you’re kidding!” at the right moments. It’s how she dealt with all their boring conversations. Only sometimes did she feel guilty about it. Ever since the Wall got built she had lost all contact with the majority of her friends. Shenshen was - regrettably - the closest companion she had these days.

The little bell on the door rung when a guest left and Glinda snapped out of her thoughts.

“Are you alright, Glin?” Shenshen threw her a pitying look and rubbed Glinda’s knee in an attempt of comfort.

“Hm? Yes, of course.”

Shenshen sighed. “You know… the mandatory month of mourning might have ended but you mustn’t let that guide you. Take as much time as you need. I know I had too,” she squeezed Glinda’s hand before letting go. 

It was true they both were widowed now, but their circumstances could not be more different. Shenshen had loved her husband, and he had died young and sudden of terminal cancer. Glinda had never loved Chuffrey, except perhaps on a level where one might be fond of a rich uncle who treated you with expensive trips and gifts. Besides, he had been old and his health steadily declining for years. The moment Sir Chuffrey drew his last breath Glinda finally felt freed from everything that had been holding her back all these years.

“My marriage with Chuff was not similar to yours, Shenshen. You know that.”

“You’ve been married to him for twenty years. That leaves a mark, whether you like it or not.”

She did not care to think about Chuffrey and she most certainly did not need Shenshen projecting her own grievances onto her. Glinda talked carefully not to let her annoyance shine through. “I’d rather not talk about him.”

Shenshen nodded with her sad eyes. “Understood,” and without missing a beat she launched into a new topic. “Have you seen the graffiti in the neighborhood?”

“I have.”

“Distasteful, don’t you think? Spouting such fears amongst the people. To accomplish what exactly? Not to disrespect the dead of course, you were roommates with her after all.”

Glinda swallowed the wine down thickly and put her glass down. “We were.”

“ _I have. We were._ Add ‘Madame’ to finish your sentences and you could replace one of my pupils.”

She took the remark readily and used it to switch subjects. “How are those little monsters, anyway?”

As suspected Shenshen had been waiting for this moment and delved into three different stories simultaneously because she could not choose which one was funnier. If it was one thing she loved it was running her mouth. Shenshen was predictable that way, if not reliant. 

The little bell rung once more and Glinda noticed the salon had considerably emptied out since she got here. Not strange for this time of the day, but it was odd nobody had come _in_ since Glinda.

“Darling, I need to go to the bathroom real quick. You want anything else to drink?”

“I’m good,” Glinda said.

“I might powder my nose while I’m at it. I’ll try not to keep you waiting, okay?” 

She had a nervousness in her voice Glinda could not quite place and Shenshen was quick to disappear into the bathroom.

Glinda held her glass loosely and swirled around the last bit of wine in it. Only now did she hear there was music playing over the speakers. Some familiar pop song from a couple of years ago. Glinda tossed her head back and drank her wine all in one go. The bartender gave her a faint smile and took the empty glass and headed to the kitchen. 

Glinda drummed her fingers over the bar. It was awfully quiet. Over her shoulders she checked the salon. She was the only one left.

The doorbell rang and two figures dressed in grey stepped in. They approached her. “Mrs. Chuffrey née Arduenna?”

She turned around and looked from the one guy to the other. They looked practically identical down to their boring washed out fedoras. “Can I help you?”

He flashed a badge. “Please, come with us. It’s important.”

“May I ask on what matter?”

“There is no time. Please come.”

Glinda frowned. “My friend is still in the bathroom. I have to say goodbye to her.”

“We won’t ask again.” One man lay a hand on her back and urged her to follow him.

Startled, she got up and obeyed his command. She looked behind her and tried to reach for the stool. “Wait, my coat -”

“We’ll make sure it will get to your home safely.” 

Glinda got escorted out of the empty salon and towards one of those dreaded grey vans on the opposite side of the street, parked in front of a little bakery. On the van was a sign that read _Paula’s Flower Shop._ One man opened the backdoor and Glinda climbed into the back of the van. No flowers were detected, just a bench on which she could sit. The doors closed and she heard the lock click. 

She shuddered a breath. This was it. She heard footsteps outside and a door slam. The engine started and Glinda felt the vehicle take off. Her nails tapped the bench in a static rhythm. The sound familiar and soothing, transporting her to a time where her world was a whole lot simpler.

“Must you be so loud?”

Glinda, who had been focused on her readings, looked over her shoulders. Behind her, near the small fireplace to keep their room warm, sat Elphaba on the hard wooden floor. She never understood how they could be comfortable over there. “Beg your pardon?”

Elphaba pointed at her tapping fingers. “You’ve been doing that for over half an hour. I simply can no longer put up with it.” 

“Oh,” Glinda looked embarrassed and awkwardly put both her hands in her lap. “Sorry, I didn’t realize.”

“Hm,” Elphaba hummed, their nose already back in a book. 

Glinda’s gaze lingered. She had cursed whatever fate bestowed upon her that she had to room with the green jerk from Munchkinland. For over three months she had tried to persuade Madame Morrible in giving her another roommate - or perhaps a private suite - but her efforts went unanswered. Though, now that she thought of it, her last attempt had been a while ago. Either because she knew Morrible would never give in, or perhaps because something had shifted between her and her roommate. Glinda couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but she supposed it was a welcoming spark of amicable behavior. Only in the privacy of their room, of course! Glinda would not endure the mockery she would have to put up with if her friends ever found out. 

Elphaba turned a page. Warm light from the fireplace hit their emerald skin beautifully and Glinda’s breath staggered. Elphaba’s hand was on the edge of the cover as their eyes absorbed the written words. The trance lasted until Elphaba turned their head to read the next page, and Glinda felt the burning of her cheeks fade, not even aware they had flushed to begin with. _How embarrassing!_ Had magic existed, Glinda would describe the experience as being under their spell. She cleared her throat and decided it was futile to get control of the situation again. “I must ask, does your green demeanor make you immune to sore postures?”

Elphaba looked up, confused. “What?”

“You always sit on the floor.”

Elphaba snorted. “Miss Glinda, that’s only because you always hoard the desk.”

Glinda smiled thinking back at the memory. She remembered how defensive she had reacted, and many days passed before she admitted Elphaba had a point. She was such a spoiled brat in those days, only ever really thinking about her own needs. How things could have gone so very differently if she had been even a tad more self-conscious. If she had realized how she felt much sooner… 

Thunder crashed loudly in the night and Glinda shot right up in her bed. Sweat dripped across her brow and her hands clutched at her padded and soft mattress. Her heart was racing in her chest. She tried to calm herself by counting her breathes. _The storm’s outside. It can’t reach you. You’re safe here._

Glinda flinched at the flash of another lightning bolt and the immediate thunder that followed. Rain clattered against the window and her knuckles turned white from clutching her blanket so tight. The storm was right above Crage Hall. She squeezed her eyes shut and counted her breathes. A floorboard creaked inside the room and Glinda’s eyes shot open. A bright flash lit up the room and a figure was crouched in the corner, tucked away behind the desk. “Elphaba..?” Glinda asked slowly. She squinted her eyes to see more clearly in the dark. It was definitely her roommate. “What are you doing up?”

“Reading.”

Glinda knew Elphaba was an insomniac, but not to what extent. Was it normal for them to read in the dead of the night? Was that why they were always so cranky? “Wait a clock tick,” Glinda furrowed her brow as she realized the huge flaw in Elphaba’s answer. “You have no source of light.”

“Yes, I do. When there’s lightning,” Elphaba deadpanned. “I’m training my photographic memory.”

“You can’t train that. You either have or don’t have it,” and even though Elphaba sometimes appeared to have all the knowledge in the universe, Glinda was pretty sure they didn’t have such capabilities. She leaned forward to study them in the dark. A tiny part in her hoped Elphaba was scared of the storm too. “Why are you awake?”

Elphaba sighed and there was a sound of a book closing. “The roof is leaking. Precisely where my bed is, if you can believe it.”

“That’s regrettable.” Glinda confessed. “Can’t you move the bed to avoid it?”

“For anybody else that would be a nice alternative, but my mattress is soaked and I’m allergic to water.”

 _Right, the weird oils in the bathroom_ , Glinda thought and rubbed her eyes. She blamed it on her tiredness for forgetting this information.

“What about you? You seem pretty shaken up.”

She looked at Elphaba, almost confused why they sounded so sincere. Glinda had done nothing to deserve it. Just today she had imitated in front of her friends how Elphaba would always suck at the core of an apple. The memory twisted her stomach and Glinda looked at her fidgeting hands to avoid eye contact. “Storms like these scare me.”

It came out like a whisper. Glinda flinched as another clap of thunder rummaged in the distance, drifting off towards the next town. Elphaba looked down at their book. “Would it help if I read out loud?”

Glinda’s hands loosened around the threads of wool of her blanket. “You mean a bedtime story?” 

“Uh, I wouldn’t put it so childishly,” Elphaba replied awkwardly. “But… sure.” 

A smile tugged at the corner of her lips and she reached for a lighter and lit a candle on the nightstand behind her bed. She looked over to corner, where Elphaba was still standing. “Come. You can’t read from all the way there.”

Elphaba shuffled closer until the tips of their toes hit the edge of her bed. They opened to the page where they had left off. Their back was as stiff as a wooden plank and with the book in their hands it strongly reminded Glinda of someone about to sing in choir. 

“You can sit, I don’t mind,” Glinda said and reached for their arm, which was freezing cold. “Lurline, you’re like an ice cube!”

“My blanket is wet too.”

“No kidding! That old ragged atrocity? That’s not a blanket that’s a sheet of paper. I’m surprised you haven’t frozen to death,” Glinda held up her blankets - warm fabric with colourful patterns - so Elphaba could scoot in.

Elphaba looked bewildered by the gesture. “I can’t do that.”

“The hell you can’t. Are you afraid my bed is full of germs? I assure you it is not.”

“I never implied…” Elphaba muttered.

“Then what’s the matter?” She searched for clues in Elphaba’s expression but found none. “I’m only trying to be a decent roomie, Elphaba. Don’t make me regret it.”

“Fine.” Elphaba took the blankets and laid down as close to the edge of the bed as possible. “Happy now?”

Not just happy, _triumphant_ that she had won this particular argument. She had never won an argument against her roomie before.

Elphaba leafed through the book until they found the right passage. “Fair warning, it’s a dense and perhaps dull read.”

“Perfect for falling asleep then, wouldn’t you agree?”

“I suppose.” Elphaba brushed their hair out of their eyes and started reading an ancient unionist text. A subject so boring Glinda wanted to fall asleep. When she woke up in the morning Elphaba had already vanished from sight.

It became an unspoken ritual between them. Every stormy night (even after the roof was fixed) Elphaba would be by her side. Her warm blankets created a comforting space for the two of them. Elphaba read out loud whatever book was near. Over the months this ritual expanded further, whenever Glinda had night terrors, whenever she deemed it too cold for Elphaba to sleep under the sheet of paper, or more generally when one of them had a bad day. It became so normal, so familiar, by spring the only bed that was slept in was Glinda’s.

The van took a sharp turn bringing Glinda back to the present. She pressed her hand to the side to steady herself. She paid close attention to what the vehicle was doing. She had no idea where she was heading or how many hours had passed. She could be deep inside Gillikin Country by now for all she knew. But unlike many in the City, she was a seasoned traveller. She knew the roads and where they led, even if she couldn't see them. Over the years she had done so many charity runs around Oz it was like second nature. Most of her time travelling she slept, only to be abruptly wakened by the holes in the badly maintained road. These roads didn't have holes; it was smooth asphalt all around. They hadn’t gone far at all. They were circling around the block.

“Morning, my love.”

Glinda, who still had her eyes closed, smiled. “How do you _always_ know when I’m about to wake?”

“Your breathing changes.”

“How stalkerish of you,” Glinda teased. She raised herself off the pillow and pecked Elphaba’s cheek, who was reading some old tomb of a book in bed. “Breakfast?”

“Such a housewife.”

Glinda poked their rib. “Is that a yes?”

Elphaba grinned and softly bumped into her nose. “It is.” 

She kissed them once more and then picked up the scattered clothes lying across the floor of the corn exchange. Her cheeks darkening as she caught Elphaba’s amused grin. 

She turned around, showing off her body. “Like what you see, dear?”

“Always.” 

The same ravishing look from last night reflected in Elphaba’s eyes, but before Glinda could get to the bed, Malky had jumped into Elphaba’s lap, ruining the mood. She hated that cat. Always had. If it wasn’t hogging up all of Elphaba’s attention it was claiming more space than a cat would ever require. Glinda was sure the hatred was mutual, as he hissed at her when Elphaba wasn’t around.

So she got dressed and made breakfast and threw annoyed glances at Malky every now and then while he was fondled and purred in Elphaba’s lap. 

The kettle with boiling hot water whistled sharply and Glinda put out the flame. “I was thinking of visiting the gardens today.”

“You should,” Elphaba agreed. “It’s beautiful this time a year.”

She poured the hot water in mugs and let the herbs settle. “I thought we could go together.”

“I can’t. There’s a protest planned today.” Elphaba tapped Malky to brush him off their lap and got out of bed. They put on a robe and helped Glinda by dishing the scrambled eggs on two plates. “Besides, even if I didn’t, you know we couldn’t.”

Elphaba grabbed some toast, put one piece in their mouth and one on each plate and sat down at the small round table. Glinda knew she should drop the subject to keep the peace. She settled down next to Elphaba and gave them one of the cups of tea. They thanked her silently and buttered their toast. Glinda blew on her tea as she watched them. The urge to continue the conversation became too great. “What’s the harm in going together?” 

The knife halted and was put down. Elphaba scratched their head and stared at their plate as if instead of Glinda they were having a conversation with the toast. After a few long pauses they said: “Let’s eat breakfast.” 

Reality crashed back and Glinda shut her eyes to will the memory away. If only she had known that would be their last morning together. If only _somehow_ she could have talked them out of it. Have them join her walk in the gardens. Then they wouldn’t have lost all those many years.

It was a good while later when the van came to a halt. Glinda couldn’t tell what was going on outside. The door opened and Glinda, who had sit in the dark for hours, had to shut her eyes from the cold neon light. They were in some sort of garage with a high ceiling and no windows.

“Get out of the van. Slowly,” a voice commanded. 

Glinda bowed her head so she wouldn’t hit the top of the car and stepped onto the concrete floor. One guard grabbed her upper arm and squished it painfully tight. 

“I believe this is some sort of mistake,” Glinda protested.

“Quiet,” the guard sneered at her and pushed her forward. 

The building she was lead into was a stretched out hallway. There were no windows and a lot of doors on each side. Glinda was directed into one of the chambers where she had to strip down in front of the guard. 

“This is humiliating,” Glinda murmured as she stepped out of her heels.

“Jewelry off too,” the guard pointed at the rings on her fingers.

Her earrings, necklace and four rings were disposed off in a plastic bag and her expensive afternoon dress was swapped with muted and formless garments. Glinda counted it as a blessing that there was no mirror in the room.  
They walked the long hallways with the guard right on Glinda’s heel. There was no need for him to lead the way as there was only one way to go. But despite the easy path Glinda had difficulty orienting herself as everything blended together into an eternal sameness. The walls were greyish white and the doors were made out of heavy-looking material and coloured a disgusting mustard green. Around eye height there was the ability to open a hole, probably for the guards to check on the prisoners. 

The guard flicked the back of her head. “Eyes to the ground.”

Glinda flinched and lowered her head. The sheet vinyl flooring had a busy pattern in hideous brown. It was safe to say the decorations had much left to be desired. They approached the end of the hallway and halted before a large door.

“Nose to the wall,” the guard commanded her. 

Glinda stepped towards the wall beside the door and the guard pushed her further until her nose was actually touching the cold wall. She had to fold her hands behind her back. The guard stood next to her and waited. Glinda had no idea whatever they were waiting for. Out the corner of her eye she saw a red light above the door.

Glinda decided now would be a good time to gain the guard’s sympathy. “Sir, there must be a misunderstanding. I have no clue why I’m here.”

But the guard did not answer or even look her in the eye, though he had clearly heard her. Glinda cursed whatever orders he was under. This might prove to be more difficult than she initially thought.

At last the guard slid open the door and commanded Glinda to continue walking. She kept her gaze lowered so she wouldn’t be flicked in the head again. Could she have done anything differently today? She thought back at the conversation she had with Shenshen just this afternoon. What irritated her the most was the Shenshen had seen through her iron defense after all; that they were far more similar than Glinda would ever admit. She _was_ still mourning. But not Chuffrey, never Chuffrey. Glinda had lost her one true love too, young and unexpectedly. The cancer, though different in nature, had been external and grew just as infectious. It crawled through all of Oz and latched on to every individual it could grasp.

For ten years Glinda had been mourning them. But not anymore.

“Halt.”

The guard opened the door to her cell and Glinda stepped inside obediently. Without any further instructions, explanations or any form of humane interaction, the door was locked. There was no turning back. A glinstering appeared in Glinda’s eyes: her plan had worked. It was only a hunch, but it was worth risking everything for. The graffiti plastered all around Emerald City confirmed what she had thought all along:

_ELPHABA LIVES_

That’s why she got herself locked up. There were no answers to be gained in the middle of society. That’s why she needed to search on the outskirts, where the answers were fuzzy and the rules bendable. She was going to find the answers to all the questions she had been asking for over a decade. Wherever Elphaba may be hiding, she would dedicate every last second to find them again.


	2. The Wall

Footsteps approached her cell. It couldn’t be later than six in the morning. The lid in the door creaked open. “Get dressed. Cherrystone expects you in five minutes.”

The lid closed again and Glinda groaned. She hadn’t had a wink of sleep. With a heavy head she replaced her hideous nightgown with her even more hideous prison clothes. Just when she put on her slippers the door opened once more. “I don’t have all day.”

Glinda grew annoyed. “I got dressed, didn’t I?”

“Save the attitude for your interrogation,” the guard replied. “Hands on back. Head low. Move. No talking.”

Not having the energy to resist, she did as she was told. They walked into a different wing until the guard told her to stop and get inside. He did not join her. Behind a desk sat a middle-aged man in a green uniform with a well-kept moustache and grey and thinning hair. Glinda supposed this was Cherrystone. On the side were a few bookcases and closed cabins. Connected to the desk a table was set vertically, with five chairs around it.

“Please, sit down.” Cherrystone gestured at the seat furthest away from him.

She sat down warily, eyeing the four empty chairs. “Are there others joining?”

He ignored her. “Lady Chuffrey, how are you today?”

“Lady _Glinda_ ,” she corrected him. “And I suppose I could be better.”

She was figuring out what angle to play at. Cherrystone looked persuadable. That’s what his little scruff indicated at least. In his eyes she could detect some tiredness. Either he just started an early morning shift or had a long night behind him already.

Cherrystone read something of a piece of paper, his finger trailing along. “You are Lady Chuffrey née Arduenna, correct?”

“Correct. But -”

“So, Lady Chuffrey, do you have any idea why you are here?”

“Not in the faintest.”

She knew. She had planned it very meticulously. Nothing would get you locked up faster than suspicion of treason. The Ozian Democratic Republic required loyalty to the system above all else. It had been a few days after Chuffrey’s death when she came up with the idea.

“Why, that’s unfortunate. Let’s see if something here will jog your memory." Cherrystone leafed through her file and frowned.

Glinda didn’t need those papers, she had set up Shenshen as the informant. Her pool was unfortunately limited. When the Wall was built only a few of her large social circle were in the northern district of the city. All contact with the southern side was lost. Her choice was between two former uni friends. One was Pfannee, who was a housewife to sleazy Avaric Tenmeadows. As pathetic as her life was, she didn’t need money. Avaric had a high rank in the government thanks to his well connected family. And if Glinda had learnt anything in the decade she had lived in the ODR it was that the communists on top didn’t actually feel like sharing. Shenshen on the other hand, a widow and teacher to preschoolers, could always use some extra cash.

She had called Shenshen, leaning in on the poor fate that Chuffrey had befallen. Shenshen was at her house within an hour. They met up weekly after that for almost two months. Every time she would slip in a line: noting the lack of treatment to a ‘woman of her status’ in an establishment, complaining about pieces of Chuffrey’s real estate going to the government, briefly poking if Shenshen was ever curious what the other side of the Wall looked like. Soon enough Shenshen gathered enough intel to report Glinda to the secret police, the Gale Force.

“It says here you are suspected of treason and wanting to flee the ODR.”

“Nonsense,” Glinda barked. “The estate _I_ have? I would be out of my mind to leave that behind!”

“I can see you are upset.”

“How well spotted,” Glinda bit back and crossed her arms for good measure. She couldn’t read him as well as she thought she would, but hoped her little play was working.

“Please, it might help me to tell what happened on the day before the arrest.”

Glinda didn’t have to reach far in her memory to remember what transpired yesterday.

She stared at her image in the mirror for a long time. Her nerves were getting the better of her. When would she get arrested? Had Shenshen even told the Gale Force anything? At any moment the doorbell could ring, or Gale Force men could close in on her on the street. She just didn’t know _when_. She kind of thought it would have happened by now. Glinda fidgeted nervously with her ring. Could today be the day? Better not take any risks. She took a deep breath and loosened the ring from her right ring finger. She lay it in the palm of her hand. It was a simple silver ring that glowed a mat emerald if the light hit it right. Elphaba had given it to her during their time together in the Emerald City. It was the only ring of value to her.

Chuffrey had gifted her so many interchangeable rings over the years she couldn’t remember which one her actual wedding ring was. To his credit, they all fitted her style perfectly. But those rings never symbolized commitment, they only ever were hollow apologies for his latest absence. She tucked the silver ring away in her jewelry box, for safekeeping.

“Nothing noteworthy happened. I spent a relaxing morning inside my house. At two I had a weekly meet-up with my friend. But I suppose you knew that already.”

“No detours on the way over? Other affairs?”

Glinda thought about the graffiti. Did they know about that too? Had someone been following her to the salon? “I went straight over there as I was a bit late.”

Cherrystone wrote something down. “Who were you meeting?”

“A college friend, Shenshen Minkos.”

“Is this a regular occurrence?”

“We have been meeting up weekly ever since…” she pretended to blink tears out of her eyes and thought of Elphaba to fake her sadness better. “Ever since my husband died.”

Her voice cracked. Cherrystone looked up. “My condolences, Lady Chuffrey. That must be difficult.”

Glinda pretended her throat closed up and nodded quickly and looked down. She almost had him in her corner. After a long pause she spoke up again. “Chuff and I… we’ve been together for so long. It’s a loss one does not simply get over.”

“You never had children, is that correct?” Cherrystone asked bluntly.

“We did not. My dear Chuffrey was infertile,” Glinda said. She had no idea whether that was true or not. He didn’t appear to have put bastard childs on earth. At least none that Glinda was aware of.

“That must get lonely. No husband and kids to take care of.”

Glinda swallowed down her scoff. The idea of motherhood appalled her. It was not for her. And if her own upbringing was anything to go by, she had made the right decision. But a childless middle-aged widow was the right card to play. “I must admit, it does get lonely sometimes. That’s why I’m so glad I was allowed to keep Chuffrey’s estate. That way he is still close.”

Cherrystone hesitated for a moment, then he clicked off a device. It was an audio recorder, Glinda realized. Their entire conversation so far had been taped.

“I’m not suppose to do this.” Cherrystone cleared his throat. “But I don’t think these accusations are right. The information that was given to us must be false. We should be able to find a way out for you. The name’s Traper Cherrystone, by the way. I’m not allowed to tell you that on record, so lips sealed, okay?”

“Of course,” Glinda said, trying not to sound too happy her tactics had worked. It wasn’t over yet though. She would have to tread even more careful. If she’d lose his trust it would all be over.

“So if you haven’t committed treason, we need to figure out how this information got here in the first place. Tell me, have you made any enemies over the years?”

“Not that I am aware of.”

At least not here in the ODR. The Wall had isolated her in more ways than one. She still remembered the first day it was built. Glinda was scheduled to drive to Mockbeggar Hall in the early morning for a charity run. Their butler Puggles was driving her. But before they even crossed St. Glinda’s Square in Emerald City, the road was blocked.

“Puggles, what appears to be the problem?”

“Traffic, Mum.”

“ _Traffic_?” Glinda bowed her head over the driver’s seat. “It’s six-thirty in the morning!”

Puggles drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “Don’t know what to tell you, Mum. No cars are moving.”

“Ludicrous! Stay still, Puggles. I will find out the source of this madness.” With a determined step she got out of the car and walked further down the line. But she halted as soon as she saw a big cemented wall towering over her head, cutting off half of St. Glinda square. The wall stretched as far as the eye could see. Her face drained of all colour. She had crossed this square yesterday! How in Lurline’s name had this been built overnight?

“Turn around, Puggles,” she said as soon as she stepped back in the car.

“What’s wrong, Mum? You look like you saw a ghost.”

“I don’t think we will be leaving Ev dominated territory for some time.”

“You said it yourself,” Cherrystone pulled her back to reality. “You have quite the estate the ODR has let you keep. Uncommon under Ev’s regime of equality. That would easily lead people to envy you, wouldn’t it?”

“People have envied me my entire life, mostly for my beauty. I can see your face pulling, sir. I’m well aware it sounds vain, but it’s the truth I’ve lived. But it has never put me in prison before. I don’t see why now would be any different. In fact, I see less reason than when I was younger, my husband still breathing, and we had estate all over the provinces.”

“I suppose I see your point, Lady Chuffrey” - she clenched her fist under the table at the name - “Perhaps something from your past has been following you?”

He leafed through his paperwork. “It says here you attended Shiz University for three years. That’s quite elitair. Oh my, you were roommates with Elphaba Thropp?”

Glinda’s stomach twisted.

“Well, she _definitely_ made enemies in her lifetime.”

_They!_ Glinda wanted to shout. But on paper Glinda had only known Elphaba for two years. Revealing their gender identity would expose her. So with her sincerest apologies to Elphaba, she said: “I only knew her for two years. She left Shiz before finishing her degree. We didn’t keep in touch.”

“But you were close,” Cherrystone remarked. “Not at first, it says here. But according to sources you were inseparable from your second semester onwards.”

“People wear you down eventually. So did Elphaba,” Glinda waved off. “She was in my space all the time, it was more tolerable to get along than despise each other. I didn’t know any girl at Shiz who didn’t become friends with her roomie eventually. But a thing you need to know about friendship between girls that age is how fickle they are. Once you’re no longer close, your friendship might as well have not existed.”

Glinda disgusted herself for saying all of it. She could only hope her facade was believable enough.

“This happened to you and Elphaba as well?”

“Correct.”

He nodded and reached over to his recorder. Glinda butted in right before he could press unpause. “Won’t anyone get suspicious the record cut off?”

“These devices are old. Feed cuts off all the time,” Cherrystone explained and turned the recorder back on. “Thank you, Lady Chuffrey for your honesty. I will see what I can do. We are done for today but we will have another appointment tomorrow.”

“Thank you.”

The door behind her opened and a guard was already motioning her to follow him. When she was back in her cell she sat on the bed. She stared outside the small square of a window. Yesterday she had been so glad to see some daylight, but it only had a limited view of the square, hugged by the building she was currently in. There were no signs, no landmarks she could recognize. For all she knew she was at the end of the world. It felt a lot like the day Puggles’ drove her and she saw the build of the Wall.

That day had only been a few months after Elphaba disappeared. Deep inside, Glinda hoped Elphaba had survived the attack and ran off to the Ozlands. But before she could risk crossing to the other side of the Wall, she needed to dig up as much information as possible. The first conversation with Cherrystone deemed fruitful. He was persuadable. She could definitely get some answers out of him. All she could do now was wait until it would be tomorrow.

\--

A knock was on his door and Cherrystone beckoned the knocker to come inside. A young Gilikinese boy stepped inside, still in his early twenties. He was one of the new employees at Southstairs. His name was on the tip of Traper’s tongue.

“Good day, sir. I’m here to fetch the tapes of Lady Chuffrey’s interrogation.”

“Naturally.”

The boy didn’t reach for the recorder on Cherrystone’s desk, but opened one of the cabins, revealing a second recorder. He put it on the table and wormed out the tape.

With his pen Cherrystone tapped on his desk. “Lad, what was your name again?”

“Trism, sir,” he replied. “Trism bon Cavalish.”

“Right! I remember now. Don’t forget to put a new tape in there, lad. I have another interrogation at the end of the hour.”

“Got it right here, sir,” Trism said as he fished another tape out of his pocket.

As he was doing that, Cherrystone got out the tape out of his desk recorder. He reached inside his drawer and switched the old tape for a new one. He handed over the old tape to Trism after he put back the second device in the cabin and locked the door.

The boy left the room with a polite goodbye. Traper paid little attention to him, as he was already busy studying the following suspect. All in a day’s work.

\--

Nor woke up in the early afternoon by the sunbeams burning through the curtains. They turned around to face away from the bright light and grabbed the journal resting on the pillow next to them. They scribbled a few things before getting up with a sigh. In half an hour they were expected at work.

The studio apartment Nor lived in was small and void of any decorations. There was a tiny bathroom and a kitchen. The double bed was shoved to the windows. A lot of natural light made it in as the windows covered the entire right wall. Next to the bed was a wardrobe and a floor mirror. The only real personal touch was the Vinkun rug. It was handcrafted by their people, the Arjikis. Nor could tell this by the material and red and brown colors that were used. They had found it in a secondhand shop in the Emerald City for cheap.

Still in their pyjamas, they saw their reflection in the mirror. “Boy day,” he decided. He carefully bound his breasts with clean cloth and wrapped the dirty ones around his hand and put it in a bucket of water and soap. He put on a black shirt with no print. It was two sizes too big and nicely hid his figure. He put on black ripped skinny jeans and combat boots. While the coffee maker was chugging in the kitchen, Nor drew on eyeliner and brushed his long white hair. The contrast between the piercing white hair and his dark skin tone was striking. He put on a cap to draw less attention.

With the clock ticking, Nor took a few quick gulps of the coffee, burning his tongue and he rushed out of the apartment. He caught tram 21 with only a few seconds to spare and got out fifteen minutes later at Burntpork.

Nor sizzled his way in the backdoor alley and greeted the doorkeeper. He went up the steel staircase two steps at a time and entered the darkened hall.

“Nor!” Brrr jumped up from his chair. His golden eyes smiled at him. It always looked like he had just put his fingers in a wall outlet and electrocuted his big fuzzy golden-brown hair to stand up straight on his head. For that he jokingly was nicknamed The Lion around here. His surprisingly soft beard that felt like fur and his freckles all across his face didn’t help to lessen that image. He wore some obscure punk band’s T-shirt today and tight red checkered pants. He had dark fingerless gloves on. Like claws. _Stop picturing him as a lion, Nor, he’s human._

Nor pointed two fingers away from his scalp as a greeting and walked towards the end of the hall.

“Boy day?” Brrr stepped in line with Nor’s pace.

Nor eyed him. “Yes. Why?”

“Oversized shirt,” he simply explained and checked his piece of paper where everybody’s shift for the day was written on. “You’re on decoding today.”

“Okay.”

“We got a bunch of messages from Apple Press Farm tonight. Team said it will be a field day,” Brrr paused to give Nor time to respond, but he didn’t say anything. “Wow, you really are the quiet type.”

“Keeps me mysterious.”

“Good quality to have around here. Okay, good luck with your workday. Let me know if you find anything cool.” And Brrr turned around on his heels as if he were on rollerblades and walked back to his post.

The tension in Nor's body faded as he was left alone. He sat down behind one of the unoccupied desks and went to work. Brrr wasn’t kidding, a lot of messages had come in from Apple Press Farm. The farm laid on the other side of the Wall. Nor had heard it was named that way because it was a big apple farm. The press part was because it used to be where resistance members printed their propaganda. Nowadays it was inhabited by the Time Dragon Clock, the organization he was working for. It had exactly one main goal: tear down the Wall and reunite Oz.

It was practically impossible to communicate from the northern to the southern part of Oz but somehow the Time Dragon Clock had found a way. Nor didn’t understand the details of it, but he did know the signal was blocked for a couple of weeks. Apparently, last night Apple Press Farm finally got through and now they had a box full of messages to decode. He took one piece of paper and read the message:

_XUNPOAC | XRRPED | BLGU_  
_DINNER IS KALE WITH APPLESAUCE_

“Where’s that bloody decoding handguide?” Nor mumbled. He searched for the book with all the codewords in it. It took some time to find this particular set-up but he figured out KALE was the key and APPLESAUCE how to interpret the cipher. Nor was relieved to find out APPLESAUCE was the most common cipher used and that it had a table in the back. That way he didn’t have to do a bunch of maths to get to the answer.

He bowed over the table and one letter at the time put the message back together until he sat back and a sense of horror fell over him:

_NUCLEAR | THREAT | BACK_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be completely gelphie-centric, as we dive into the past to their Shiz years.


	3. The First Bomb

Shiz blossomed early spring. Snowdrops and crocuses popped up in patches of grass and the first birds had migrated back and sang their songs at dawn. Glinda loved spring, if only because dreadful winter was finally behind her. The university blossomed and so did its people. Little did she know how soon that cozy blanket would be pulled away.

“Are you in a rush?” Glinda looked perplexed at Elphaba sitting across from her in the dining hall, who devoured their food faster than a starving wolf.

“It’s almost seven,” Elphaba said between big slurps of the boiling soup.

Glinda dipped some bread in her bowl. “Right, and everyone knows if you don’t finish eating before seven your meal will be taking from you. As is Shiz university law.”

“There’s a radio at Briscoe Hall library.” Elphaba took the slice of bread and managed to fit it in their mouth without ripping it into pieces. “It reports the news at seven.”

“Wow. The news. If only there was such thing as a daily paper dedicated to that, specifically.”

Elphaba rolled their eyes. “You can be facetious as much as you want, but pretending this isn’t a big deal is not going to age well. Radio _will_ be the future and Shiz finally has the capability to broadcast. The university’s very first radio arrived mere days ago! I have been wanting to check it out but hadn’t found the time yet.”

“In that case…” Glinda took the bowl by the bottom and drank it all empty in one big gulp, a sight her mother would have condemned as ‘unladylike’. Her tongue burnt from the hot liquid. A stunned Elphaba with raised eyebrows watched her.

Glinda took her tray, stood up and shrugged. “If _you’re_ making a fuss out of this, I want to see it for myself.”

They disposed of their wooden trays at the end of the dining hall and left Crage Hall behind them. It was growing dark outside and students from all four colleges were walking back to their dorms. Surprising Glinda completely, Elphaba took her wrist. Her cheeks flushed pink.

“What are you -?”

“At this pace we’ll be late. C’mon.” Elphaba tugged at her arm and started running. Glinda followed after them, her eyes drifting to where they were linked. Their green skin looked really nice next to her fair skin, Glinda thought absentmindedly. She never noticed that before. 

Briscoe Hall library came into view and they let go of her hand. Elphaba ran up the stone steps two at a time - something Glinda refused to do in heels - and they held open the large wooden door for her.

“Sweet, we made it just in time.” Elphaba motioned to the group that had assembled. Behind the large marble pillars, and up a few more steps, about thirty to forty students were gathered in front of the radio. It was the corner of the library where people didn’t need to be quiet and could discuss whatever academic work they had read with their peers. As the clock on campus chimed seven times the radio started to crackle with noise. The chatter died out and the students inched closer to the radio.

A peppy male voice spoke through the receiver: _“Good evening, dear folk of Shiz…!”_

The broadcast lasted about ten minutes with local and national news pieces. It was definitely more engaging to Glinda than a newspaper. But she supposed she had too little understanding of the technology behind it to appreciate the man in the tiny box reaching out to all of Shiz. 

Students returned to their dormitories after the broadcast ended. On the way back to Crage Hall Glinda asked, “This is going to be a daily thing, then?”

“Twice a day, actually. There will be a news report at seven in the morning and in the evening.”

“I fail to see the benefit. How is this any different from morning and evening papers?”

“The time between reporting and publishing has significantly been reduced on the radio. With papers it first has to go to the printing press and then be delivered to the people. That leaves a window of a few hours while new developments stay unreported. With radio however, news can be reported as it’s developing and is immediately received in people’s homes.”

Glinda hummed. That did make sense. She looked over at Elphaba. “Are you going to attend these broadcasts again?”

“If possible I want to attend the evening broadcasts at least a couple times a week, yes. Why?”

“No reason,” Glinda said. “Perhaps we should move dinner a slot earlier so you don’t have to rush and burn your tongue every night.”

Elphaba grinned. “Did you burn your tongue on that soup?”

“Don’t sound so amused! It really hurt!” Glinda poked their ribs with her elbow. Elphaba shook with laughter and it was so contagious Glinda could not help but laugh along.

\--

A few weeks passed before Glinda accompanied Elphaba again to Briscoe Hall library. There was only one other student attending, a Munchkin boy.

“Where’s the crowd from before?”

“Novelty of the radio wore off.”

“And radios have been placed at Ozma Towers and Three Queen library,” the Munchkin piped up.

“Oh it’s you,” Elphaba said as if they had just noticed him. “Glinda, this is Boq. He’s a pain in the ass, so beware. Boq, meet my roommate Glinda.”

Boq shook her hand. “Pleasure to meet you. Bless your patience for putting up with Elphaba day in and out.”

Something about their banter made Glinda overcome with the urge to establish herself as Elphaba’s _first_ and therefore bestest friend. “When you’ve known Elphie as long as I have, you’ll see it is more blessing than patience.”

Elphaba mouthed the new nickname, bewildered. Boq laughed, “I’ll take your word for it.”

A gulf of embarrassment flooded over Glinda as she realized how defensive she sounded. And merely after introductions! Boq was sweet for not picking up on her menace. Glinda sat down on a chair, crossed her legs and busied herself wiping non-existing wrinkles out of her skirt until the six beeps announced it was seven o’clock and the program started. She only paid half a mind, rewinding the conversation back in her head and how she should have replied instead: _“Boq, a pleasure indeed. Don’t let Elphaba wind you down. They can play nice if they feel like it.” “Nice to meet you, Boq. Elphaba can indeed by a handful.”_ She imagined giving them a playful wink there. _“What a pleasure, Boq. Good to see Elphie made another friend.”_ What was it with this sudden _Elphie_ anyway? Where had that come from?

She looked towards Elphaba, who was sitting on the table next to Boq. It was like Glinda intruded one of Elphaba’s personal spaces. She went back to fidgeting with her skirt.

_“...Nomads traveling through Ugabu have reported uncommon dust clouds of several meters high on the horizon. Geologists have not yet determined what the cause is.”_

Glinda looked up. “Ugabu? Why would news come from there? Isn’t it an uninhabited desert?”

“Yeah, but nomads sometimes travel through it when trading with Ev.”

There were a few minor bulletins and after the weather forecast the trumpets announced it was the end of the program. Boq hopped off the table. “Guess that’s it for today. Say, me and some friends usually gather on Sunday morning and have a picnic near Suicide Canal. You’re welcome to join us. There won’t be any radio after all.”

“Tomorrow? What time?” Elphaba asked, sliding off the table.

“Elevenish. Don’t worry about coming late. Crope and Tibbett always sleep in.”

“Sounds fun. We’ll think about it.”

“Great! I hope to see you tomorrow,” and Boq bid them farewell.

When he was out of earshot Glinda said, “He only meant to invite you. I shouldn’t come along.”

Elphaba frowned. “What are you talking about? Of course the invitation was extended to you.”

“I made an utter fool of myself! How can I be this socially inept?” She dramatically flopped her head on the table.

“Come now, Glinda. Whatever you find so humiliating I’m sure Boq barely noticed. He is a farmer’s boy! Hardly familiar with social etiquettes.” 

“Not helping,” she muffled from the table.

“I’m sure he thought you charming. I promise your reputation is unscathed.”

“It doesn’t matter. I can’t show my face tomorrow.”

“And leave me lonesome with some strangers? You know I need your guidance and nuanced opinions to not piss everyone off.”

Glinda smiled. She rested her head on her folded arms and looked at Elphaba. “Will you protect me from social humiliation then?”

“Of course.”

“ _Fine_ ,” she sighed dramatically, “you convinced me.”

She stretched out her arm for them to grab it. Elphaba’s lips twitched and they raised her from the chair. Glinda looped their arms together and they walked back to the Crage Hall.

It was a chilly evening and Glinda closed the space between them to stay warm. Elphaba didn’t seem to mind.

“You do know you’re my closest friend, right?” Glinda asked.

“As you are mine.”

Glinda lit up. “I am?”

“Without a doubt. I do have one question,” Elphaba wiggled their eyebrows, “... _Elphie_?”

“Ugh! _Stop_!” Glinda cried in humiliation and under the sound of their loud cackle she buried her face in Elphaba’s shoulder. 

\--

Packed with a quickly thrown together basket consisting of some fruits, cheese, a blanket and a bottle of wine, Elphaba and Glinda made their way to Suicide Canal. It was a lovely spring day with the sun shining bright. Many students had similar ideas and the grass was covered with blankets. Boq waved them over when he spotted them. He actually jumped up - not that it did much to enhance his height.

“You came! This is great.”

There were three boys besides Boq. One looked vaguely Quadling with his reddish skin and shared a blanket with a Gillikin, who was weaving flowers into the Quadling’s long ginger hair. On the other blanket was another Gillikin but seeing his attire he definitely was a born aristocrat. Whatever he did with this band of misfits was a complete mystery to Glinda. Then again, she had arrived with a green person.

“We brought food,” Elphaba said and lifted the basket. 

“And wine, I see!” the Quadling boy clapped his hands in excitement. 

“At eleven in the morning no less. I like your style,” the boy next to him chimed in and winked at Glinda and Elphaba. 

They quickly introduced each other. Tibbett, so he told later on, grew up at the border between Quadling Country and Fliaan. The flower boy’s name was Crope and he was a theater major. The aristocrat was called Avaric Tenmeadows and was Boq’s roommate.

“Tenmeadows? Then you’re the magreave’s son,” Glinda noted.

“Indeed I am.” Avaric grinned lopsidedly. “I didn’t know my reputation precedes me even in Crage Hall.”

She turned red as his gaze lingered on her. She plucked the blanket from the basket and laid it furthest away from Avaric without seeming rude. 

When she was growing up, Glinda was taught these gatherings were never about the deep conversations. It was about looking the part. She made sure there were no wrinkles in her skirt and had her hands neatly placed on her folded knees. Then there was the matter of food. There were no strict rules but a certain amount of time had to pass before grabbing another serving. The meal had to be consumed at a reasonable pace. She laughed along politely with the chatter and only spoke up when she knew she had something insightful to say.

Her company seemed far less concerned about these social etiquettes. What would her mother be thinking if she saw it? Moreover, Glinda had not expected to be spending the day around so many boys and she inched closer to Elphaba. After it hit noon she encouraged Crope to open the bottle of wine. Her nerves were getting to her and she needed something to relax.

Three glasses in and Glinda felt blissfully cozy. Avaric, Boq, and Tibbett had headed off a while ago to play football further down the field. Crope had dozed off while sunbathing and Elphaba was reading some book they brought along. In some unnamed miracle - that may or may not have had to do with wine - Glinda managed to convince Elphaba to unbraid their hair. 

“I wish I had your hair,” Glinda sighed dreamily and let the long black locks fall through her fingers. “It’s _such_ beautiful hair.”

Elphaba opened and closed their mouth. “I’m not sure how to respond to that.”

“It’s a compliment, silly. You say ‘thank you’. _Oooh_ ,” Glinda laid her chin on Elphaba’s shoulder. “Whatcha reading over there?”

“How the Wizard overthrew the monarchy of Ozma.”

She scrunched her nose. “Why put yourself through that?”

Elphaba chuckled. “Why indeed. The more I read about the Wizard the more I despise him.” 

“I dislike his name,” Glinda said as she went back to combing Elphaba’s hair. “You’re a political figure, not a theatre act.” 

“His middle name is Zoroaster.”

“You’re kidding. That’s horrendous.”

“I know, right?” 

They stayed quiet for a bit. It was a comfortable silence. There was the laughter of the groups of students around them enjoying the nice weather. Elphaba was staring at the canal instead of reading, thinking something over. 

“Say, Glinda. Were you alright?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I meant earlier. I don’t recognize you so reserved.”

“Well...” Glinda tried to actually think her answer over instead of blurt out the first thing that came to her mind. She settled on what sounded most true. “I wasn’t expecting to be surrounded by so many boys.”

“Did they make you feel uncomfortable?”

“No, not that. I’m just used to having you all by myself.” She threw her hands around Elphaba’s middle and hugged them from behind. After a moment’s hesitation Elphaba put their hands over hers. A warmth filled Glinda’s chest. The wine must be settling at last. She closed her eyes and cherished the moment. 

“Elphie,” she spoke softly. “I want to stay like this forever.”

Elphaba smiled. “We must let go at some point, my sweet.”

Without opening her eyes, Glinda pecked their cheek and rested her head on their shoulder. “Not yet.”

\--

The end of the semester drew near. Classes would end this week and then they’d have to study for finals. Glinda could not believe the year had flown by so quickly. The most surprising element was her friendship with Elphaba. But as they were walking hand in hand towards Briscoe Hall library for the evening broadcast, Glinda knew she didn’t want it any other way.

Boq was waiting for them, two empty chairs set ready beside him. The same chirpy male voice rattled of the news in tremendous speed. Though one segment made time slow down all at once.

_“An official government document regarding the dust clouds in Ugabu was leaked. Specialists say there is reason to be the clouds are in fact bombs. Who is setting them off and what they are for is as of this hour a mystery. The Wizard has not yet been reached for any comment.”_

They looked at each other in stunned silence. The broadcaster was already on to the next item asking an expert if freezers would soon be built in with refrigerators. 

Boq was first to break the silence. “Bombs. I heard that correct, right? Actual bombs in Oz.”

“Are we being attacked?” Glinda asked worried. “I mean, Ugabu is the state between Ev and Oz. Is Ev trying to bomb us?”

Elphaba folded their hands in her lap and was deep in thought. Boq headed over to the table and grabbed one of the evening newspapers. The trumpets on the radio announced the end of the Shiz newscast and the device went silent.

“Elphie?” Glinda took their hands and squeezed them. “Elphie, what is happening?”

There was the rustling of the newspaper frantically being turned over. “I knew it!” Boq exclaimed. “ _Nothing_ in the newspaper about bombs. The story must’ve broken after it got printed.”

“It makes no sense,” Elphaba spoke at last. “Why ruin the element of surprise if you want to attack another country?”

“Maybe for testing?” Boq mused. “It _is_ uninhabited land so in theory it’s a good place.”

“Ev has not attacked another country in over a century. There must be another explanation. You said nothing about the bombs was printed? What paper did you read?”

“Uhh.” Boq turned over the paper to its front page. “Emerald Times.”

“That’s a state owned newspaper. Call me crazy but what if…” Their eyes darted around as if solving a difficult equation. It started to scare Glinda.

“No time for conspiracies yet.” She tried to pull Elphaba out of their thought spiral. “We know too little to draw any conclusions.”

“Glinda’s right. All we can do now is wait for tomorrow’s news cycle to give us more information.”

“Precisely,” she tugged at Elphaba’s hand. “Let’s head to our dorm, Elphie. It’s getting late.”

There was not much to talk about on the way over to Crage Hall. After an hour or so of light study Glinda was ready to go to bed. Elphaba had not moved from the desk, flipping through every newspaper available at Shiz university. Glinda walked over to them.

“Nothing,” Elphaba mumbled with their hands in their hair. “Absolutely nothing about bombs in any newspaper.”

“As Boq said,” Glinda folded the newspapers and threw them in the bin, “the story probably broke after it got printed. Weren’t you the one saying that when Shiz got its first radio?” 

“Yeah, but -”

“It’s after ten. We will go to the library in the morning, but for now…” she handed over their toothbrush.

Five minutes later Elphaba walked out of the bathroom in their nightgown and a tightly made braid.

“You redid your braid?”

“Yes?”

“Come here,” Glinda patted her mattress. “That’s no good at all. Sleeping with a braid is really bad for your hair.”

Elphaba sat down obediently. “So far it’s been doing just fine.”

“And what a miracle that is,” Glinda said as she went to work. “You can’t let such gorgeous hair go to waste.” 

She disentangled their hair and combed through it till it was all smooth. The way Elphaba’s muscles were strained showed how the news was still on their mind. Glinda put the comb to the side and planted a kiss on top of their head. “All done.”

Elphaba jumped up to hit the lights and Glinda detected a dark green blush that colored their cheeks. It was adorable. She crawled under the blankets and left enough space for Elphaba to scoot in. The other bed hadn’t been slept in for weeks. Usually Elphaba would stay awake and read by candlelight, but tonight they even broke with that routine. Their gaze was fixated on the wall.

“Elphie,” Glinda said as she bumped their nose. “Worries can wait till morrow.” 

\--

The next morning they hurried to Briscoe Hall library before breakfast. Boq arrived at the same time as they did. Aside from the librarian who was in charge of opening the building, they were the only ones there. The bell in the campus clocktower chimed seven times and halfway through the six beeps of the radio counted down till seven o’clock on the dot. 

_“Good morning dear folk of Shiz!”_ a different news anchor greeted them. _“And welcome to Shiz Broadcast Corporation’s news of seven in the morning. Yesterday an official government document leaked revealing the strange dust clouds discovered months earlier in Ugabu were actually the results of exploding bombs. The Wizard has since called the people of Oz not to be alarmed and avoid travelling through Ugabu at all costs. His court will investigate the situation further. Next up…”_

“That’s it?” Elphaba leaped to their feet. “There are dangerous explosives in our country and all we should do is not be _alarmed_?” 

Glinda reached out to them. “Elphie…”

“No! No _Elphie_ ,” Elphaba waved off her hand. “Where are the morning papers? There has to be more.” 

On the table behind them laid a stack of newspapers and Elphaba went through them one by one. “Emerald Times? _Nothing_.” The paper flew over the table and landed on the floor. Glinda and Boq glanced at each other. 

“Let me help you,” Boq stood up. “There are like ten papers to go through.”

Glinda stood up as well and recovered the paper that was thrown on the ground. 

“Gillikin News. _Nothing_. Shiz Morning Journal has a single paragraph dedicated to it on page _ten_! I can’t believe this!” Elphaba crumbled the newspaper into a ball.

Glinda calmly took the crumbled ball from their hands. “Let’s not get mad at the papers, love. They are not the enemy here.”

“I don’t understand,” Elphaba sounded defeated and placed their hands on the table. “If bombs aren’t newsworthy what is?”

“Munchkin Daily mentions it on page three, but no new information,” said Boq and reached for the next paper. 

“The Wizard said he will lead an investigation. Maybe there’s just not much news to report on?” Glinda offered.

“I doubt it.”

They went through the other newspapers and found no new information. Putting the newspapers side by side, they came to the jarring conclusion not a single newspaper from Emerald City had mentioned the event. As Glinda was about to suggest getting some breakfast a student burst through the doors.

He ran towards them and as he came closer Glinda realized she had never seen anyone like him. The stranger had dark skin and dressed oddly in suede leggings and a simple cotton shirt. A Winkie! He placed his hands on his knees, revealing the blue pattern of diamonds trailing from his arm all the way up to his neck and face. Through heavy pants he asked, “Am... I... late?”

The three friends looked at one another.

“For the radio broadcast? By almost half an hour,” said Boq.

“Damn it,” the boy drew sweat from his brow. He put his arms on his hips and took a few moments to catch his breath. “Any news about the bombs in Ugabu?”

“What do you know?”

“That there are bombs in Ugabu,” he repeated himself. 

“Seems like you’re all caught up then,” Elphaba said dryly. 

“No reports of bombings in the Vinkus?”

They all looked at him strangely. “No, nothing like that.”

“Okay.” The boy actually looked relieved. “When’s the next broadcast?”

“At seven. Sharp. Mornings and evenings.”

“Thank you.” He looked around awkwardly for a moment. “Bye,” he said, and he darted out the library.

“What an odd creature,” Glinda remarked.

Elphaba was less put off by him. “Interesting markings though.”

\--

With the stress of finals, the strange boy and the bombs in Ugabu became background noise. Before Glinda knew it she was already standing on the train station, saying goodbye to Elphaba for the summer. Five big suitcases were standing next to her.

“You’ll be fine, Glinda. You got your ticket and your suitcases.”

She took her summer hat off and fidgeted with the brim in her hands. “But what if I’ve forgotten something? Maybe we should go back to Crage Hall to check.”

“You didn’t forget anything.” Elphaba laughed a little. They brought up her chin with their thumb so she couldn’t avoid their gaze. “Are you nervous about going home?”

Glinda wasn’t sure. There was a feeling in the pit of her stomach telling her this was all wrong, that she shouldn’t go back to Frottica. “I suppose I am a little nervous. But how bad can it be, right?” She let out a nervous laugh.

“It’s been your home for all of your life. I’m sure once you’re back you forget all about Shiz.”

“I couldn’t. Not with you still here.” An ugly sob escaped her mouth and she threw her arms around them. “ _Oh Elphie!_ How am I going to sleep at night without you? A-And who will I tell about my day? Who will unbraid your h-hair every night? I’ve grown too familiar with you by my side.”

Elphaba stroked her back and shushed her. “This isn’t goodbye forever. We will see each other in eighth weeks. Until then, I will write you about every single boring day here at Shiz.”

Glinda clutched at their shirt. Her cheeks were wet from crying. “Promise?”

“Promise.” Elphaba planted a firm kiss on Glinda’s forehead. 

The first warning whistle announced it would only be two minutes before the train would depart.

“You must go now.”

Elphaba stepped back from the embrace and helped carry the suitcases into the train wagon. With one foot in the train Glinda tightly hugged Elphaba and did not let go until the conductor told her off.

“You will write me back, won’t you?” Elphaba asked hastily.

“Every day!”

The conductor slammed the door shut and moved to the next wagon. Glinda ran towards the nearest cabin and put her face to the window. Elphaba was still in view! They smiled widely when they saw her. The gears of the train started to turn. Elphaba put their hands around their mouth and shouted something, but Glinda could not hear them over the noise. She blew them a kiss and waved at them until they were just a tiny green spot on the horizon. 

\--

All Glinda remembered from that summer were the many trips to the post office she made. She wrote to Elphaba whenever and wherever she could. If she had nothing to write she would doodle in the margins. In one letter Elphaba commented on how they were like Glinda’s signature. From then on Glinda never stopped sending doodles. Two weeks that summer she spent at Caprice in the Pines. She sketched some of the nicer spots like the gazebo covered in vines, and the lake with two swans with their litter following behind them. By no means was she an artist, but it was a nice way to kill time and Elphaba was a gratifying audience. Shenshen and Pfannee, on the other hand, teased her endlessly when they found out it was Elphaba she was sending letters to. At one point she had caught them conspiring in Pfannee’s room. They were in the middle of impersonating a lovesick Glinda writing an invitation to Elphaba. Glinda had stormed into the room and thrown the letter into the fire. Humiliated, she had spent the rest of her stay in her bedroom.

“They’re just envious,” she gave herself a pep talk in the mirror. “They _wish_ they’d have a best friend like Elphaba.” She couldn’t even convince the image in the mirror this was envy. To comfort herself she reread Elphaba’s letters so often that she would dream about them in her sleep. She kept writing letters, but never mentioned the incident. 

\--

Weirdly enough, Glinda could not recall the day she returned at Shiz. What she did remember was how the following evening they were back in Briscoe Hall library, listening to the radio. The strange Winkie boy was present too. He kept to himself and looked shy. After some prodding they learnt his name was Fiyero Tigelaar and apparently was prince of the Arjikis. Glinda doubted the title meant much. He explained he wanted to follow the news in case any bombings would take place in the Vinkus, where his family lived.

What first was written off as the overly anxious imagination of a foreign prince, soon became reality for all Shiz students. It was two weeks into the semester when it happened. 

_“Another bomb has fallen in Ugabu! Reports of sightings of a giant mushroom-shaped cloud seen all the way from Gillikin’s Mount Runcible...”_

Glinda gasped in horror and put her hand before her mouth. Mount Runcible was close to her hometown. 

_“... Since the announcement of the sightings the Wizard has stated, quote: ‘These bombs are a declaration of war. If Ev truly wants to claim Ozian soil they should be prepared for the consequences of their actions’, unquote. Ev’s statehead La Mombey has denied all claims that she is behind the bombings.”_

It was too much to listen to. She walked away from the radio, Elphaba was quick to follow.

“Glinda?”

“I need to find a telephone,” she replied vaguely, looking around the library. In the corner near the entrance was an unoccupied telephone and Glinda rushed towards it. Elphaba followed her wordlessly.

She put in some quarters, picked up the horn and listened for a dial tone. After dialing a zero she anxiously glanced at Elphaba, who had reached out their hand for her to grab. With the warmth of Elphaba’s hand in hers, she felt a little less like she was about to faint. A voice from the other side of the line spoke up.

“Operator, please connect me to Frottica 35109. Thank you.”

There was another dial tone and a long stretch where Glinda could feel her heart in her throat. 

“You got this,” Elphaba mouthed. 

The dial tone stopped and there was some rustling from the other side of the line. “ _Frottica 35109, Larena Arduenna speaking.”_

“Mama! It’s me, your Glinda. I heard about the bombing and just wanted to make sure you were safe.” 

“ _Glinda, my darling. All the way from Shiz, my, you never do such a thing.”_

She ignored the obvious scolding. “Are you and Papa safe? Did you see the mushroom cloud?” 

_“Oh! That thing, yes. Tiny thing on the horizon. We don’t get such a good view from our house since we live downhills. You should see the view from the Van Heuvels! They are the talk of the town of course, whenever are they not. It’s like they’ve all forgotten about Betty’s -”_

“Mama! This is serious!” Glinda cut her off.

 _“I know, darling. Don’t tell me you are becoming one of those scholars who looks down on everyone who has not gone to uni. We are still financing your education! I won’t have you talk us down like we are incompetent farmfolk. In fact, your father is in the midst of writing a strongly worded letter to the local government.”_ There was rustling from the other line and the sound became dim.

Glinda pressed the phone closer to her ear. “Wait, Mama, I can’t hear you very well.”

The muffled voice of Larena spoke, “ _Highmuster, darling. Your daughter is on the phone!”_

“Oh my god, she put the horn down,” Glinda whispered to Elphaba. “Mama! I only have so many coins -”

Larena laughed - probably at something her father had said - and she came back to the line. “ _Your father’s too busy now, but he sends his regards. Sorry, what did you say?”_

Glinda was short with her. “I need to hang up. Long distance calls are very expensive.” She probably had about two minutes left, but she didn’t want to extend the call. 

_“That is true. Nice of you for calling, honey, but you mustn’t worry. It’s not like anyone is living in Ugabu.”_

“I have to go now. Bye, Mama.” 

_“Okay. Bye bye, honey! Please write us more often -”_

Glinda hung up and let out a frustrated groan. “Well, at least they are _fine_.”

“What did she say?” Elphaba asked.

“A whole bunch of nothing. It’s like it didn’t even register with her! This is a _bomb_ we are speaking of that you can see from another province!”

The frustration of the phone call had overshadowed her initial panic. But now it made its crashing return. Elphaba wrapped an arm around her and Glinda instinctively curled in closer. A shiver ran down her spine.

“I know.” Elphaba’s voice was near her. “It’s a scary time.”

Glinda sniffed and held them tighter. “Oh Elphie, what if we are going to war?”

But Elphaba didn’t have any answers. Nobody did.

\--

Glinda woke up the moment Elphaba stepped out of bed. 

“It’s still early,” said Elphaba.

“You hardly slept.”

“If you know that then neither did you.”

Glinda repressed a yawn. “Are you going to Briscoe library?”

They went together. Boq and Fiyero were already at the library and surprisingly so were a few other students. News had quickly spread across campus. There wasn’t much new information since last broadcast. The morning papers had bold fonts plastered across the frontpage: **_WILL WAR BE DECLARED? EV DENIES PLANTING BOMBS! WIZARD MIGHT DECLARE NATIONAL EMERGENCY!_**

Before their first seminar, Madame Morrible had scheduled a mandatory briefing for all Crage Hall students. All the wooden benches in the main lecture hall were packed and some students had to stand. For a moment Glinda thought about sitting in Elphie’s lap to create more room, but then decided it would probably look too silly.

When Morrible entered, the chatter died down. The heavy dark red fabric of her gown dragged along the wooden floor. She lifted the tip of her dress as she walked up the stage. Nobody dared to speak. Morrible placed her hands on the side of the lectern and took the room in, if only to proof she could hold an entire room in her grip. 

“Students of Crage Hall,” she spoke in a powerful voice. “As head of one of Shiz’s faculties I need to inform you on our new policies. Most of you have already heard of the potential threats Oz faces on the news. We do not know when or where Ev will attack. In the face of this danger, the board of our university has decided to re-open the bunkers. There are five of these emergency bunkers on campus and must be located as soon as you hear the air alarm.”

The crowd broke into mutters.

“There are _no_ assigned bunkers. Head to the nearest bunker at _all_ times,” Morrible raised her voice over the crowd. “To make sure everyone knows what to do in such an emergency, the university will implement drills. These will be unannounced and start today. These drills ought to be taken seriously!” Morrible slammed her hand on the lectern. Students shut up abruptly. 

With the room quiet once more, Morrible continued. “Make no mistake, Shiz is at a real risk. The drills are for your own safety. You _must_ be prepared for what could happen. Mark my words: neglect to locate a bunker in time and you play with your own life.” She looked at the students one by one, letting the weight of her statement sink in. “Now off to your morning seminars, girls.”

\--

Life had to go on. That was the strangest thing of all. Classes continued per schedule and homework was distributed as always. They even continued their Sunday picnics with the boys. Fiyero had become part of their little group. Tibbett and Crope went out of their way to join the evening broadcasts at Briscoe Hall, even though the radio at Three Queens would be much closer for them. Avaric had never stepped foot in the library before, though much of his time was still consumed flirting with the Crage Hall girls in attendance. 

The daily routine felt less real to Glinda than when the air sirens went off. So far all of them had been drills. Once it happened in the middle of the night. It had startled Glinda so heavily she had broken down in tears. Elphaba calmed her down enough to guide her to the bunker in time. After the drill was over and they were back in bed, Elphaba had kissed the top of her head and told her with a shy smile how brave she had been.

Elphaba meant everything to Glinda. After the summer break they had grown even closer. Describing them as her ‘best friend’ didn’t do their relationship justice. Then again, Glinda doubted there was a single word in the language that could describe how she felt about Elphaba. 

\--

It was the last nice summer day where they could still wear short sleeves. Tomorrow the temperature would drop and heavy rain was predicted. Autumn truly was at their doorstep. Glinda and Elphaba decided to make the most of this last sunny day. After classes they dumped their bags in their room and headed outside. 

Campus was a beautiful sight. The changing colours of the leaves tinted it with a warmth. The clear sky and the sunbeams reflecting on the sparkling water made the picture complete. Glinda and Elphaba had a long stroll around campus. First heading towards the Suicide Canal and passing over its bridge. Then they walked the meadows towards Three Queens College, where they sat on the terrace of Queens Cafe and ordered some iced tea and shared a pastry. 

“We could walk a bit further?” Elphaba suggested.

Glinda agreed; she definitely wanted to cherish every last clock tick of this day. They crossed the road towards Scholars Hill.

“Come,” Elphaba took her hand. “You must see this.”

Just as they reached the top of the hill, Glinda’s heel sank deep in a spot of soft soil and she stumbled. Elphaba was quick to catch her, placing their arm around her middle, but in the process lost their own footing and fell down. Glinda yelped as Elphaba pulled her along and she toppled over them. Something cracked and Glinda gasped. “Oh my god, are you okay?!”

Elphaba billowed with laughter. “I am, don’t worry.”

She lifted herself up so she could look at Elphaba and check for herself. They weren’t playing it down; they looked fine. Thrilled, almost. 

“I’m so clumsy!” Glinda apologized profusely.

“I believe we were both equally at fault here.”

Elphaba was completely calm and Glinda relaxed under their gaze. Their dark brown eyes had golden flecks in them. Or maybe that was just their mischievous charm shining through. Or perhaps, Glinda just had not seen their eyes up so close before. Whenever they laid close in bed it was too dark to see anything. Glinda brushed some hair out of their face. “You’re such a pretty thing.”

They flustered. “As far as I’m aware my face is not a mirror, my sweet.”

But Glinda was all too familiar with that image in the mirror. It wasn’t beautiful as Elphaba was. There was nobody like them, unique in every sense of the way. Her fingertips touched their green skin, suddenly not believing it was real. She trailed the edges of their ears, their cheeks, their chin. With her thumb she stroked over their lips. They were softer than she had imagined. Elphaba looked at her curiously, and Glinda grew conscious of what she was doing. She withdrew her hand and tried to get up. It proved to be more difficult than she thought and Elphaba gave her a hand. 

It was only when Glinda sat next to Elphaba in the grass that she realized how hot she was. Her heart was booming rapidly in her chest. Elphaba brushed some grass and dirt off their trousers. 

“Look,” Elphaba pointed toward their left. “This is what I wanted to show you.”

From top of the hill there was a beautiful view over Shiz. The autumn colors complemented the old buildings of the village. The sun was lowering and blended in with the warm glow Shiz was radiating. 

“I love it.” Glinda wiggled closer to Elphaba and laid her head on their shoulder. Together they enjoyed the view. She kissed their cheek and nuzzled back close. “Thanks for breaking my fall, by the way.”

Elphaba wrapped an arm around her. 

“My pleasure.”

\--

_“And now… please tune in at eight o’clock tonight for a special broadcast. As we speak, reporters of Shiz Broadcast Corporation are heading towards the exact place the Big Bomb dropped a month ago. After weeks of locating they have finally managed to pinpoint its place. We will report live from the sight and bring you all our findings. Stay tuned!”_

The radio went silent and students looked at each other, confused. 

“Another broadcast? This happened before?” Fiyero asked.

Boq frowned “No, never.”

Glinda looked at Elphaba. “You want to stay for the special broadcast, don’t you?”

They smiled sheepishly. “I can walk you back to Crage Hall if you don’t feel like staying?”

“If you’re staying, I’m staying.”

Some students headed out, but most stayed put. Everyone seemed intrigued by the additional broadcast. Avaric went out and bought some waffles from the nearby campus vendure before it closed. Crope and Tibbett took it upon themselves to entertain the crowd until eight. They started an impromptu theater act and acted out suggestions from their cheering audience. It saddened Glinda to hear the campus bell announcing it was eight o’clock.

Tibbett and Crope went back to their seats to loud applause and everybody turned their attention back to the radio.

_“Good evening, dear folk of Shiz, and thank you for staying tuned to Shiz Broadcast Corporation! As of yet we are unable to connect with our group of reporters at Ugabu. In the meantime we shall keep you updated on other news regarding the bombings._

_“Ev’s head of state La Mombey has denied all involvements with the bombings in Ugabu, despite The Wizard’s accusations. A small but growing group of protesters are gathering daily in front of the Wizard’s Palace. They wonder whether someone else is behind the bombings. Some even speculate it is the Wizard himself who is dropping bombs...”_

Elphaba sat up straight and leaned in.

_“... According to these people it is the Wizard’s way of establishing Oz as one of the world’s leading powers. But more on that later. I’ve just been notified we are ready for Ugabu! I will hand over this broadcast in the capable hands of my colleague Leopold.”_

The radio turned to static for a couple of seconds and then picked up again.

_“Good evening, Shiz. I am currently standing in Ugabu, about twenty meters from the exact location of where the Big Bomb fell. We have been searching for this exact spot for days. It took longer than we expected because we had to avoid some authorities… Anywho, two of my colleagues are walking up ahead, there is a hefty wind out here and sand is getting everywhere. Let’s see if they found anything…”_

Some harsh noises came through as Leopold walked his way up to the rest of his crew. _“Let me describe the landscape for you, listeners. Though I am surrounded mostly by sand, I can tell there is something unnatural going on here. I think the ecosystem knows a bomb has fallen here not too long ago. Everything is dead or withered and a thick layer of mist hangs low to the ground. It’s really pressing on the lungs, if I may be so hon-”_

The microphone popped at once and the students reached for their ears. There were a series of uncomfortable noises, as if the microphone was rubbing against a bunch of different fabrics or had plunged into the sand. 

_“WE NEED TO GO, LEOPOLD!”_ an unfamiliar voice shouted.

_“But the audio equipment!”_

_“LEAVE IT!”_

_“What about-”_ The audio feed cut off. It was dead quiet in the library. The students shared bewildered looks. 

Tibbett lowered his waffle in shock. “What just happened?”

The radio crackled and the audio popped back in. _“Apologies, listeners! It appears the signal from Ugabu has been cut off. We are trying to make contact again, but for the time being we will broadcast live from our studio. It is unclear what Leopold and his colleagues have stumbled upon but we will break the news as soon as it unfolds. Until then, I have warfare expert Nibra Tekkon with me in the studio. Miss Tekkon, what do you make of the bombings?”_

Another voice, soft but low in tone, spoke up. _“Well Arthur, first off, I want to thank you for inviting me into the studio. Unfortunately, I can only speculate what your reporters have stumbled upon just now. What I can reveal is the study I have conducted where I calculated the probability of the cities that are most likely to be attacked.”_

_“Please, share your research.”_

_“Though it is appealing to appoint Emerald City as the most likely target of an attack, it is common in warfare to attack a second or third largest city. One that will suffer incredible damage and will hurt the country significantly, but does not have as many resources as, say, a capital to rebuild quickly. A safer bet, if you will.”_

_“What does that mean?”_

_“It means, Arthur, that my calculations show Shiz as the most likely target for an attack.”_

A collective gasp ran through the library.

_“It is significantly smaller than the Emerald City, but Shiz has the largest and most successful university of Oz. And what could be a more rewarding result than killing half if not all of the future generation’s most brilliant minds?”_

Glinda felt sick. She grasped Elphaba’s arm and dug her nails in.

 _“I hear you, but I know for a fact Shiz University has weekly drills to practice if such an event would ever occur.”_

_“Correct. But the underground shelters only do so much. There is risk of structural collapse and bodies getting stuck under it. Even if miraculously there were no wounded, the attack would still destroy irreplaceable documents. Priceless knowledge would get lost. It would take years - decades, even - to recover all that information. In that time a country like Ev would easily conquer a weakened province.”_

_“... That is quite the grim picture you are painting, Miss Tekkon.”_

_“I am aware of that, and I do admit this is a worst case scenario. With this data I hope to prevent such a disastrous event. I urge the heads of Shiz university to loan their most priceless documents to other institutes and have them be copied and spread around. This way data will not get lost. As for the students, my personal advice is to close the university prematurely, until the immediate threat has subsided.”_

_“Thank you, Miss Tekkon. I just received a note that we have been able to make contact with Ugabu. We shall now turn to Leopold and hopefully hear what they have discovered.”_

The feed cut off and the students erupted in mutters. There was not a single student in the room who didn’t express concern. Even Elphaba, who normally was so level headed, had worries written all over their face.

 _“Can you hear me, Shiz? Do NOT come to Ugabu! We just saw our f-friend’s face melt off. He was exploring the location when his entire skin started to deform. P-Please, I’m begging you, do not come here. It is unlike anything y-you've ever seen.”_ The reporter was crying. _“Kenny pulled me away from the sight. He is vomiting outside the car. We… We thought a month after w-would be safe enough. But whatever this bomb was I… I can’t explain. The meters we used broke down from the intensity it was picking up. We ran out of fuel, but DON’T come rescue us. It is not worth it. The same radiation that killed Lennick will kill us too. I already ripped out a patch of my hair. I’ve never felt more ill. I don’t know what else to say. Lori, if you hear this, know that I love you so much. I really wish I could hold you and Benny right now… I’m sorry I can’t be there with you anymore. This is Leopold reporting for Shiz Broadcast Corporation. Over and out.”_

The audio cut off. Glinda was one of many people in the room who were crying. She reached for her handkerchief and dried her tears.

 _“I… am not sure what to say.”_ Arthur said shocked, reporting from the studio. _“Miss Tekkon. Do you have… words? Anything?”_

_“From what we just heard, I can only draw one conclusion. The situation is much more dire than I had predicted. What your men have discovered is that it was not merely a bomb. It was a nuclear bomb. A subject I have only read theories about in highly classified files. If that is true, and Ev has gotten her hands on this sort of weaponry… The damage it can do to Oz is catastrophic.”_

_“Nuclear. Can you explain this concept to our listeners?”_

_“Of course. In simple terms, it means the initial blast of the bomb is no longer the only thing we should worry about. Nuclear radiation lingers for decades. It breaks down slowly. It worries me that a month after the blast the levels of radiation your reporters have stumbled upon is still so fatal. With the years passing the radiation will lessen, but can still cause harm to our cells and lead to death. Even so, Ugabu should not be passed for many many years.”_

_“So… bunkers will not protect us?”_

_“Not unless they are equipped with years worth of supplies to outlive the worst radiation. My warnings to Shiz are now twice as important.”_

_“I see. I suppose we should leave the broadcast there. Be safe, Shiz. And goodnight.”_

The broadcast ended abruptly and the static rung loud. Boq was the first to stand up and he turned off the radio. His eyes were red from crying. He opened his mouth and closed it again. Unable to form a sentence, he walked away.

The next morning the newspapers reported the death of three unauthorized gentlemen killed by radiation. The possibility of a nuclear war was more present than ever.

\--

The weeks that followed students got letters from their parents begging them to come home in the face of this incredible danger. Others didn’t wait for a letter and packed their suitcases in a panic. The number of students on campus dropped significantly. Classes became emptier and teachers had to fill in for their absent colleagues from different fields of studies.

A few times Elphaba had encouraged Glinda to go home too. It was around ten at night, during their evening ritual, when they tried again. They were in their nightgowns, Elphaba sitting at the edge of Glinda’s bed as she undid their braid.

“I shan’t hear it anymore. Going back to Frottica? Whatever gave you the idea I _want_ to go back there?”

“You heard it on the radio, as long as there is a nuclear threat, you are not safe here. Almost half the school has gone back home.”

She decided to poke the bear. “Will you be going back to Colwen Grounds, then?”

“Perhaps if I get a letter from home telling me to.”

She raised her eyebrows at that. Elphaba would never verbally admit to obeying their family’s wishes, though experience had taught her they would drop anything if their sister Nessarose asked them to. Last year Elphaba had forsaken an entire week of classes to visit Colwen Grounds. Nessa had written a letter requiring Elphaba’s assistance immediately as she had a cold (a common one, Glinda had to add bitterly). It was ridiculous! 

“Your parents encouraged you to come home.”

“Oh la,” Glinda clucked. “They wrote me a letter that said it was my decision. I’ve told you about this. It’s almost like _you_ want me gone.”

“Never. I want you safe.”

“As long as you’re at Shiz, I see no need to return to Frottica. I doubt it will be much safer there anyway.” She guided Elphaba’s hair over their left shoulder and detected a mole behind their ear, just in the hairline. It was hidden away in such a manner Glinda figured it didn’t get the appreciation it deserved. She pecked it lightly. Satisfied, she returned to untangling the long black hair.

“Glinda?” Elphaba peered over their shoulder, almost bashfully. “Have you ever thought about what you will do after Shiz?”

Without much thought Glinda replied. “I’ll find a husband, I suppose.”

Elphaba pressed their lips and hung their head. “I see.” 

Glinda didn’t pick up on it and ran her fingers once more through Elphaba’s hair to conclude the unbraiding ritual. Elphaba stood up from the bed and Glinda frowned. She grasped them by the hand before they could walk away. “Where are you going?”

“Getting some sleep?” Elphaba prompted.

“Nonsense. You always read until deep into the night,” Glinda drew them back in and pushed them onto her bed. “And I can’t fall asleep without you beside me. Not after all these months.”

Elphaba did not object further and they both settled into Glinda’s bed. She threw her arms around them and Elphaba let themself be cuddled as they read a book in the dim candle light. Glinda drifted off with the familiar scent of Elphaba wrapped around her and the sound of turning pages. If only there was a way to tell them she wanted to wake up next to them as well. She always awoke next to a cold lump, an imprint where Elphaba had slept. But then she would look to the other bed and see Elphaba sitting up with their hair unkempt and their sharp nose already stuck in a book, and that image was almost just as good.

Three days later Elphaba got a letter from Colwen Grounds, expecting them home within two weeks. That’s all the time they had left. Two weeks. Glinda could not think of the day when she would have to wave them goodbye at the train station. Instead, she used their leaving as an excuse to keep as close to them as possible. 

“You do know I can walk without your hand holding mine, right?”

“I won’t be able to in six days! Have some mercy on your dearest friend, Elphie.”

That night, Elphaba was peculiarly quiet. When they turned in for the night, they did not read as usual. The lights were off and all candles were blown out. Elphaba pulled the warm blanket all the way up and faced Glinda. They were looking into her eyes, searching for something. Approval? Connection? Their hand found hers under the covers. One by one their fingers trailed around hers, slowly, as if memorizing every pore. Having touched every inch of her fingers, they moved to the palm of her hand, her wrist. Their fingers drew small circles on her arm, taking their time before moving up to her shoulder. It was as if with every touch a thousand tiny butterflies fluttered through Glinda’s body. Elphaba placed their hand in her neck and Glinda was afraid they would be able to feel her rapid heartbeat. She didn’t want them to stop. Every staggering breath she took, she wanted to take them in. She didn’t know what was up or down or whatever came before this moment. It didn’t matter anymore. With their touch she let herself be carried away. 

The slow trail of their fingers rested at her cheek. The lack of movement pulled Glinda out of the trance. She met their gaze, and didn’t want to look away. Elphaba inched closer and shut their eyes. That’s when Glinda felt the light touch of lips brushing against hers. It was a brief contact and Glinda instantly longed for more. With her eyes closed she searched for Elphaba’s lips. Bit by bit, she kissed them. Small touches that she kept exploring. Every time a little more daring, a little longer, a little firmer on the mouth. Elphaba closed the space between them, pressing their bodies together. Glinda draped her hand in Elphaba’s hair. They kissed her. Long and sweet.

Far too soon, Elphaba let go. “Forgive me.”

A deep blush had spread across her face. Glinda clasped feebly at Elphaba’s collar. “Whatever for?” She was too shy to meet their eyes, not entirely sure what had overcome her. They had shared kisses before, but not like this. Glinda had never experienced anything like this. It was a new form of intimacy she had not thought of expressing before, but now she knew the possibility was there she was eager to explore it further.

For years Glinda had wondered if Elphaba had not asked forgiveness for what they had done, but for what they were about to do. For when Glinda woke up the next morning, whatever little garments and supplies Elphaba had carried along to Shiz were gone.

Later she learnt the letter from Colwen Grounds was fake. Elphaba had forged it. They had taken the train to Emerald City to join the resistance. The heartbreak, however, was real. She hadn’t fully grasped at the time how deep her feelings ran for Elphaba. For weeks she didn’t come out of bed. She wrote them letters but threw them in the trash before she could send them. She didn’t understand why they left. Why they left _her_. She needed them. She loved them.

Glinda wouldn’t see Elphaba for another eight years.


	4. The Winkie Heir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings:** descriptions of violence, racial violence, descriptions of death, some sexual content (don’t get too excited), something I can only describe as body horror, and gender dysphoria.

The next day went and passed by, but Glinda did not get escorted to Cherrystone’s office as was promised. When she asked a guard about it they did not reply. Glinda waited six days before a guard collected her from her cell. In that time she had gone bored out of her mind. There were no books she could read, no places to go, or people to entertain. She was starved for any human interaction, even if it was an interrogation.

Cherrystone was sitting behind the desk and Glinda had to sit at the chair furthest away again. She couldn’t tell if this was the same room she was in before or if the interrogation rooms were all identical. The tape recorder was already rolling. 

“Lady Chuffrey, thank you for joining me. How have you been?”

Glinda thought for a moment what angle to play at. “Frankly, I am confused. Our last meeting you said we would meet the next day. Several days have passed. What happened?”

“Ah, you see that is exactly why I brought you in today. I did another dive into your past and found something interesting.”

Every memory when she stepped out of her societal role and led her secret life flashed before her eyes. Most of them had to do with Elphaba. She braced herself for what Cherrystone would throw at her next.

He read something from his notes and gave her a long look. “It turns out you were acquainted with Fiyero Tigelaar?”

“Fiyero?” Glinda said surprised. Of all the names she thought she would hear, he was not one of them. “I suppose I was. We both attended Shiz at a similar time.”

“I see,” Cherrystone took a fountain pen in his hand and looked at her. “Please, tell me what your time together entailed.”

“Of course,” she carefully replied. What could he possibly be after? “Mostly we attended the radio’s news broadcasts in the library. That’s where we met.” 

Cherrystone wrote something in the file. “And when did you learn about his death?”

“Shortly after it happened. News travels fast when it comes to murder.”

He looked up at once. “You believe he was murdered?”

“Uh, well, those were the rumors at the time,” Glinda recovered fast. 

Cherrystone bowed over his paper and scribbled some notes. She took that opportunity to take a deep breath and calm her nerves. The pace was tenser than last time. 

“So you are saying you were in Chuffrey’s estate in Emerald City at the time?”

“ _Our_ estate,” Glinda corrected him. “Despite his age, Chuffrey was a modern man. We made all financial decisions together.”

“Lovely,” Cherrystone sounded bored. “You lived at Brickle Lane then, correct?”

_Was there anything that wasn’t in that bloody file?_ Glinda thought annoyed. “Yes, Brickle Lane was the first of many estates we invested in. Chuff said I had an eye for real estate opportunities. Never bought a property without my approval.”

She hoped nudging the conversation in a different direction would work, but Cherrystone had none of it.

“Now back to Fiyero. When was the last time you saw him?”

Glinda decided to tease him lightly. “I wasn’t aware I was on trial.” 

“Please answer the question, Lady Chuffrey.”

Glinda’s lip twitched a little and she leaned back in her chair. Her usual tactics were pretty ineffective today. But she knew the best lie was always hidden in the truth. “Let me think, I believe it was in Shiz library when he said goodbye to everyone. Like many he went back to his hometown due to the nuclear threat.” 

That was one truth. In reality, she had seen him once more. It was a week before Lurlinemas when she had taken Crope for some holiday shopping. She had found him between the rack of shawls. That was her first clue. 

“Oh, wait. I ran into him once after that, I remember now,” she pretended to think hard on the details. “I was shopping with a friend. We barely had time to catch up. Busy, busy, busy, that man. I suggested to bring our uni friend group together and catch up in Florinthwaite Club, but you know how those things go. Promises are made, but you never actually go through with it.”

“Who was the friend?”

“Pfannee of Pfan Hall.” 

“Okay. Thank you, Lady Chuffrey. That will be all for today,” he said while still writing.

Glinda’s glance hardened. “Mr. Cherrystone, I had hoped to have some more information about my arrest by now. It’s been over a week.”

He smiled apologetically. “My hands are tied, Lady Chuffrey.”

The door behind her opened and a guard removed her from the room.

Back in her cell, Glinda was seething. For an entire week she had been locked up and she had nothing to go on. She didn’t even know what prison she was in, let alone being at a point where she could gather information on Elphaba. First she needed to gain their trust but how was that possible when contact was so sporadic? 

She put her hands on the edge of the small sink and looked in the mirror. She was grasping at straws. What could she possibly do? Her blue eyes fiercely stared back. It was time to change tactics.

“Fiyero!” Glinda gasped from across the store. It must’ve sounded like nothing but a housewife gasping delightfully at the many items, because nobody paid her any mind. Even Crope, who was standing right next to her browsing through some clothes rack, hadn’t looked up.

She patted his arm repeatedly and whispered, “Crope, Crope look.”

“What?” 

Glinda nudged her head towards the section Fiyero was standing in.

Crope smirked. “Women’s section, ay? Good to know I’m not the only guy shopping here.”

“Unlike you, I doubt he’s shopping for himself.”

Crope looked around him and then back at Glinda. “Why are we whispering?”

“That’s _Fiyero_. Don’t you remember him?”

“Of course I remember him. Tibbett had a huge crush on him,” he said and pulled out a shirt of the rack and looked it over. It had a feathered collar and sparkling gray woolen fabric.

Glinda pushed it back on the rack. “As did you.”

“I’ve seen him a couple of times in the city already. He’s an ambassador for the Arjiki so he comes here often.”

“Oh, really? To this store specifically? To look at shawls?” 

Crope rolled his eyes at her paranoia. “He has a wife remember? Glinda, where are you going?”

She had walked away from the conversation and made a straight line to Fiyero.

“Glinda!” Crope hissed, “Don’t ambush a man when he’s in a women’s clothes store!”

She pretended she didn’t hear him. 

“Glin! Come back, I look like a pervert without you - Oz, _damn you_ ,” Crope huffed and hurried after her. 

Once she was close enough Glinda raised her voice with a hint of surprise. “Fiyero?” 

He jumped up as if he had been caught doing something wrong. He hid the shawls behind his back. “Glinda!? H-Hi!” 

“As I live and breathe, Fiyero Tigelaar!” She brought him into a light hug which was far too casual for what they had been: two people part of the same social circle a couple of years ago. Crope had caught up with Glinda and greeted Fiyero with the traditional Gillikinese custom of kissing both cheeks. The fear in Fiyero’s eyes subsided and he actually seemed happy to see his college friends.

“What brings _you_ here?” Glinda asked in her falsetto socialite voice.

“Work, mostly. They keep me hostage over Lurlinemas, if you can believe it.” He smiled charmingly. 

“And you’re doing last minute Lurlinemas shopping for your family. Or is it still just you and the child bride?”

“She has grown and is very much an adult. We have two children, Manek and Nor, and the third is on the way.”

“Oh, I simply _must_ hear more. Come I’ll pay for that. We can go to this nearby tea house. I remember you don’t like coffee very much, do you? Never mind, it’s not important this tea house is just too quaint to pass up on,” Glinda snatched the shawls out of Fiyero’s hand.

He protested but she waved it off. “Fiyero, really, this is the least I can do. We are old friends, aren’t we? Besides, I have more money than I can spend,” she said as she handed over her credit card to the cashier. 

On the way over to the tea house, Glinda was rattling about all types of nothing. She couldn’t stop herself. It was difficult to pinpoint between his charming shy smiles and slight blush (that surely would drive many women wild) but there was something behind his eyes that told her Fiyero had a secret. Buying a bunch of similar looking shawls the week before Lurlinemas didn’t make sense. Since his family lived in the Kells mountain the gift would arrive three weeks too late to his pregnant wife! How was that attentive? 

The shawls were her lead, now she waited for a clue. 

They ordered some tea and to shake off her nervousness Glinda let Crope and Fiyero catch up for a bit. She picked up the biscuit and placed it back next to her tea, eight times in a row. She wrapped her hands around the mug to stop herself from doing it a ninth time. 

“... So I mostly paint set designs for theater productions. I’m less on stage these days, though I still greatly enjoy it. Last month I had a drag show with a couple of guys.” 

Fiyero seemed lost in Crope’s world which was unfamiliar and unlike his. But he was also supportive of his friend. “Did you perform together with Tibbett?”

“No, Tibbs’ residence permit expired. He was here on a scholarship. He’s trying to arrange another permit but it’s ridiculously complicated. He’s back in Fliaan for the time being.”

Fiyero nodded. “Long distance can be hard. I barely get to see my wife. You must miss him a lot.”

“I do, but our phone bills are through the roof. Must be a sign of a good relationship, right?” Crope smiled cheekily. 

“Speaking of long distances, do you know who is back in the city? Nessarose Thropp!” Glinda barged into the conversation, interrupting the flow. 

“Oh?” Fiyero asked, looking thrown-off. “D-Do you know her well?”

“Well, not quite. For a brief period we exchanged letters. She was scheduled to come to Shiz but didn’t because of the nuclear threat. You left as well didn’t you, Fiyero?”

“I did. But my reasoning for leaving my education behind was twofold.” 

Glinda looked at him curiously, as did Crope.

Fiyero chuckled awkwardly at the attention and put his tea down. He clasped his hands together. “Well, I received a letter that Sarima was pregnant.” 

Crope swallowed down his tea too fast. “You got her pregnant while we were still in _school_?”

“Summer before second year started, yes,” he said quickly and brought his cup back to his lips. 

“Shit, mate. This changes a few of my assumptions,” Crope laughed. “Not the quiet type after all, huh.” 

“Well, you _were_ married since you were both children. I suppose it was just a matter of time,” Glinda interjected. “How is Sarima these days?”

He hesitated. “Sarima is alright. That’s what I get from her letters anyway.”

“You don’t call?”

“There are no landlines in the Kells mountains.”

She studied him closely. “You must get lonely in the city then.”

A light blush crept on his cheeks. “It comes with the job, I suppose. I’m not as lonely as I thought I’d be.”

Her heart sank in her chest. _He found out._ Glinda kept her face blank and tried for a smile. “Well you can carry along her love wherever you’re going with those letters.”

He smiled, though his eyes shifted quickly towards the door. “Exactly.”

“And she will have lots of shawls to show for it around Kiamo Ko.”

Fiyero drank the rest of his tea in one go and brought the cup to the table with a tense force. Before he could open his mouth Glinda jumped in: “Are you leaving? Who am I kidding, you must be busy being a prince and all. I held you for too long.”

“Nonsense, it was a pleasure to catch up,” said Fiyero earnestly, though he was gathering his jacket and shopping bags. 

Glinda stood up as well and walked with him to the door. “We ought to meet up sometime soon. Something with you standing before me makes everything fall into place. Both past and future. You can get my contact information from Florinthwaite Club. Tell them you’re an old friend of mine.”

He nodded non-committedly. “Yeah, I’ll make sure to drop a call.”

“Fiyero,” she grabbed his wrist before he could bolt. She held his eye and swallowed thickly. “Tell Elphie I miss them still.”

He looked like he got slapped in the face and he hurried off. The weight of the world crushed upon her. Like she had swallowed a brick and it dropped to her stomach. She stood there in the doorway unable to move. The freezing cold begged her to get inside. 

“What was _that_ all about?” Crope asked once she was back at the table.

“He knows.” 

Crope’s eyes widened and reached out to her.

She buried her face in her hands and wept. “He found my Elphie.”

Fiyero never made contact after that. The following summer he died on the steps of the Vinkus embassy building. There were no eyewitnesses or so the newspapers told. His throat was slit and his death was a public display. It was said to be a suicide; a desperate prince asking for attention and remorse for his tribe. That was the story The Wizard stood by. But as much as Glinda despised him for having found Elphaba before her, she knew that was a lie. What the real story was and why of all diplomats Fiyero was the one who ended up murdered, Glinda never figured out. 

Fiyero’s death brought a lot of unrest in Oz and it raised concern with neighboring countries Ev and Fliaan, who put pressure on The Wizard to step down. La Mombey, no longer putting up with The Wizard’s accusations of Ev being behind the atomic bombs in Ugabu, led an investigation. After months a big report came out revealing The Wizard had ordered troops to test out a new type of bomb to help his expansionist dreams.

Elphaba’s paranoid theories were correct and Glinda never felt more stupid. Ev and Fliaan rapidly built a repertoire of their own nuclear weapons to hold something over The Wizard. There was a lot of uncertainty during that period, not knowing who would attack first and when. This tension held on for more than a year, until February sixth Ev and Fliaan collaborated together and had The Wizard step down. 

The euphoria was brief, because Oz was without a leader and Ev and Fliaan both wanted to run Oz. La Mombey believed in abolishing the centuries’ old class system still dominating Oz. Fliaan’s leader Shem Ottokos wanted to restore the monarchy of the Ozma family, as that was the system Oz was most familiar with before The Wizard took over and would be the path of least resistance.

The nuclear weapons they had once pointed at The Wizard were now pointing towards each other, with Oz right in the middle of the conflict. New political groups sprung out of the ground like an infected weed. Loyalists, radical unionists, conformists, tiktok revolutionists, and many more fought for power. The streets of Emerald City were never safe. It was the scariest time Glinda could remember. It was a symphony of exploding bombs and gunshots, day and night. Trams got hijacked often and public drivers became too afraid to go to work. Houses got plundered and people went missing. It was a free-for-all and nobody was there to stop any of it. She barely went outside during that time and eventually fled to Mockbeggar Hall, their estate in Munchkinland, until Emerald City was safe again.

It was in the middle of that chaos the resistance came back together. These were the people who protested in front of the Wizard’s Palace the first time they heard of the bombs in Ugabu. It was the group that Elphaba belonged to. In some miracle they managed to take control of Emerald City. The resistance acted like a military, surveilling the city and keeping the peace. Though Ottokos and La Mombey considered the city as taken under hostage, it was actually the safest Emerald City had been in years. Under the control of the resistance public life slowly but surely could rebuilt itself. Houses got restructured and people could get groceries unescorted and without being afraid of being shot at by a sniper. The City was nothing like it had once been, but at least it was safe. Not long after Glinda moved back to Emerald City and helped wherever she could. The scariest time of her life was followed up by the happiest.

Glinda had moved away from the mirror she’d been staring in and took the one chair in her cell and placed it in front of the little square window. Looking between the bars, she focused on the bright sunlight pouring through. It reminded her that the world was still going on even if she was not taking part in it. Her thoughts drifted and she found her younger self back on St. Glinda’s Square, where she sat on the edge of the fountain and saw a glimpse of green skin exiting the church.

“No way.” She lowered the sandwich she was munching on. Her eyes followed the black shape. The figure faced away from her and was covered in a long shawl. They were walking towards the nearest tram stop. There was no way she was letting them out of her sight. She got up from the fountain’s ledge and left her lunch for the birds to feast on. 

The figure blended in well with the crowd, but Glinda had eyes for nobody else. She had been wrong before, and nothing indicated today would be any different, except the little spark of hope in her heart wishing it was Elphaba. Line 5 came rushing in and Glinda saw the figure step into the tram. She made sure to get in two wagons behind them. Around Hall of Approval it got busy in the tram and Glinda offered up her seat so she could stand on her toes and see better. People were blocking her view and she twisted her head in search for a black shawl. If she’d lose them now she’d never forgive herself. With every passing halt, more people dropped off. After they passed Law Courts, Glinda’s view was cleared. The black shawl was still there! Some strands of black hair dipped under their shawl. Glinda’s heart pounded faster, she would recognize that hair anywhere. At Lower Quarter, half an hour away from St. Glinda’s square, they got off. 

Glinda followed them from a good distance away. The narrow streets didn’t make it easier, neither the path they were walking, or rather zigzagging. It was clear they did not want to get followed, but Glinda was watching them like a hawk. They must’ve walked almost to the other side of the Lower Quarter before Elphaba ducked into a large and empty looking shed. They went up a flight of old wooden stairs and Glinda hastened behind them. 

The floorboards creaked. In their sharp turn towards the sound, Elphaba’s shawl fell off. Glinda looked up to see the familiar face. It was more mature than she remembered, but everything else was the same. Like eight years hadn’t passed at all.

“Glinda.”

It didn’t show that they were surprised to see her, if they even were surprised at all. Glinda had had restless nights over what she would say when she’d see them again. But all she could blurt out was: “Tram 4 would’ve gotten you here sooner.”

“It’s stops too close to my home. People will figure out where I live.”

“Clearly.” Glinda said as she walked up the rest of the stairs till she was only a few steps away from them. “Are you going to let me in?”

They bowed their head and fidgeted with the keys in the lock. With a loud push it opened and Elphaba gestured for Glinda to come in. It was a large attic space, completely made out of different kinds of woods. It was an old building. The windows were blackened out and the only daylight that entered the space was through the tiny holes in the badly maintained roof. The furniture consisted of a bed, a kitchenette and a small rusty round table with two chairs that they must’ve recovered from a garbage pile.

“Should I make you some tea or..?” Elphaba asked as they closed the door with three different locks. 

Glinda shook her head. She placed her purse on the table and turned around to take the place in. “This is where you live?”

“You don’t approve.” It was less a question and more a statement.

“You never needed anyone’s approval,” Glinda said and finally faced Elphaba. She had walked deeper in the attic to get a better look, but in doing so they were further apart. It was at once a comfort and a huge obstacle. 

Elphaba untangled the shawl from their shoulders and shrugged the jacket off and hung it on the coat rack. Their hand curled around one of the rack’s bars and squeezed it. With a sigh they looked over their shoulder. “Why are you here, Glinda?”

The air left the room. A shiver ran over her body. She had imagined this moment so many times and now all words were lost to her. She stepped closer until she was standing before them. Her hand reached out to them and stopped just before making contact. When Elphaba didn’t jerk away, her fingertips touched their chin. She wrapped her other hand around their neck. The touch was familiar. She reached on her tiptoes and kissed them carefully. 

Elphaba didn’t move and didn’t push her away. Glinda closed the space between them and pressed their lips firmer together. It was like kissing a wall. Her heart sank and she stopped. She didn’t dare open her eyes. Afraid that everything she had dreamt of was a fluke. Elphaba didn’t love her. The feelings they had awakened in her were not mutual. Desperation slipped in her voice. “Kiss me,” she begged against their lips.

She felt the trembling breath on her skin. Elphaba hesitated, and then leaned in. Glinda gripped them tighter. The storm inside her body swept up, leaving her wanting for more. She needed Elphaba closer. Glinda guided their hands to her hips and deepened the kiss. Her hands wandered around their body and found their way under their shirt. The space between kisses shortened and the heat went to her head.

“I need you,” she breathed out between kisses.

Glinda unbuttoned their blouse and noticed the lack of a bra. Their small breasts exposed and their skin green. She had always imagined it so, but had never seen it for herself. She pushed them closer to the bed. Between kisses, she got rid off their blouse and loosened her own top. 

The growing nausea in her stomach she had to swallow down. Those were just feelings of longings, Glinda told herself. She _needed_ Elphaba. This was all she ever wanted. She grabbed their shoulders and lowered them onto the bed. She took their hands that had not moved from her hips and brought them up to pin Elphaba to the mattress. Her kisses grew sloppy and distracted. Her throat closed up. 

When she opened her eyes she saw Elphaba’s staring at her, their expression concerned. “Glind-”

She muted them with another kiss. She didn’t want to hear it. Not now. Tears pricked in her eyes. The gaping black hole in her stomach drew her in. She held the kiss until she choked up. Glinda sat up and gasped for air.

“Glinda,” Elphaba tried again. They lifted their head and searched to meet her gaze. “This is clearly not what you want.”

“You don’t know what I want!” Glinda bit back, crying. 

Elphaba took a breath. Their voice was collective but soft like a whisper, “I know I hurt you.” 

“Oh, _do you_!?” Glinda spit out. Eight years of fury and confusion and heartbreak tumbled together. “You know _nothing_ about the damage you’ve done to me, Elphaba Thropp! How dare you? How fucking _dare_ you leave -” her throat closed up and she had to look away. She clenched her teeth together and let her tears run.

“Even threatened by a nuclear war you wouldn’t leave Shiz unless I left. So I thought if I’d put myself out of the equation…”

“I’d run back to Frottica,” Glinda finished their sentence bitterly. 

“Yes.” Their hand moved to rub over her knuckles.

“Don’t,” Glinda muttered and jerked her hand away. Elphaba stayed put. 

“I never should have left you like that. I-I know that now,” they paused. “But you… you were talking about a husband and -”

Glinda scoffed and got up. She checked her purse on the table and got out her pack of cigarettes and a lighter. It was a habit she had picked up over the years. She wasn’t proud of it, but in stressful situations it kept her nerves under control. Her hands trembled and she fidgeted with the lighter. It didn’t grow further than a spark.

“Ugh, _fuck_ ,” Glinda groaned and squeezed the lighter and cigarette in her fist before throwing it back in her purse. She paced up and down the room. Elphaba had put on a grey tank top and shifted to the edge of the bed. Her eyes were immediately drawn to them. Out of habit. Out of need. 

“You should’ve known,” Glinda accused them. She tapped her nails against the windowsill. “You should’ve known how I felt.”

Elphaba shook their head. “You can’t put that on me. How could I? Did _you_ even know back then?”

She bit her lip, fully aware of the answer. “You never wrote. I thought you were at Colwen Grounds until you got a dozen letters from Nessa and Nanny, inquiring how school went.” 

They hung their head. “I shouldn’t have lied to you.”

“And then I graduated. Because your stupid little plan to protect me backfired.” She inhaled sharply. “The last thing you told me was to go home. So _of course_ I was going to stay. Just to spite you. My heart was already torn to shreds so what did an atomic bomb matter?” 

The tears blurred her vision. “And when I was back in Frottica… I hadn’t heard from you in two years and _still_ there was this part in me that hoped you’d come save me. But you never did. And idiot that I am, I kept looking for you. I rewinded every protest on television frame by frame in the hopes to see you. I followed random strangers to their homes like a psychopath because for a _glimpse_ I thought it was you. I moved to Emerald City for you! And who of all people do I run into? _Fiyero_!” the name rolled off her tongue with disgust.

Elphaba rubbed their neck. “It wasn’t like that, Glinda.”

“Oh? So you’re gonna tell me you didn’t fuck him? Because you need to be one _hell_ of a liar to convince me otherwise.”

“Fine. Yes, we had sex but he found _me._ ” They grew impatient. “He wasn’t supposed to but he did.”

Glinda huffed. “Well, how _awfully_ convenient! When Crope looked up _my_ address I instantly let him fuck me. Tibbett joined us halfway through. It was a blast and a half!” 

“Stop being flippant, I know you’re bullshitting.”

“Of course I’m bullshitting, because I’m not screwing the first college mate I run into!” 

“Oh my fucking god, you were _married_!” Elphaba yelled out and jumped up from the bed. They breathed heavily and motioned vaguely to were her wedding ring was visible. Self-conscious, Glinda hid her left hand behind her back. They looked small with their shoulders hunched over. “You’re still married. You said you wanted a husband, then you got a husband. Whatever we were, I didn’t dare chase it. What if I did come to Frottica? What if you rejected me? That would mean what we had at Shiz…” 

Glinda felt her throat close up. 

“At least in my head it could always be real. And Fiyero -” Elphaba’s face twisted. They placed their hand on the high bed frame. “He was… familiar. He was _Shiz_.”

“He wasn’t me,” she whispered. In swift motions she wiped away her tears. She sounded bitter, but she couldn’t conceal her resentment. He had found them and loved them in a way Glinda wished was only reserved for her.

“I really am sorry, Glinda.” 

They held eye contact. Birds were chirping on the rooftop, reminding them that there was life outside the turbulent emotions bottled in this attic. Elphaba was the first to move. For a moment Glinda thought they were heading for her, but then noticed they aimed for the door instead.

“You should go.” They cleared their throat and started unlocking the bolts on the door. 

Elphaba’s abrasiveness didn’t phase her. Not anymore. She wasn’t the gullible girl fresh from Pertha Hills she had once been. She grabbed her purse and strapped it around her shoulder. Elphaba held the door open for her and before leaving, Glinda stared at them directly. “I will come back, you know. Now that I know where to find you.”

Elphaba shrugged a little. “Might be gone tomorrow.”

She studied them carefully. The light furrow of their brow and the way their head was slightly ducked to shy away from attention. Their hand loosely held the doorknob and half their body was hiding behind the door. Glinda’s expression grew soft. She tugged a loose lock of hair behind their ear and Elphaba met her eye. The vulnerable look was a tell-all.

“No, you won’t,” she said. 

And they both knew she was right.

\--

Nor snoozed their alarm clock five times before getting up. With their eyes half closed they peered in the mirror. 

“Girl day,” she yawned and grabbed some clothes from the closet. 

Nor took a shower in lukewarm water and with a washcloth carefully dabbed the sensitive skin around her scars. Whenever she was naked she had her eyes closed. It was to shield herself. Without any clothes to protect her she was far too vulnerable. Two years ago she made a promise to herself that nobody would ever see her naked again, including herself. 

One hand found the tiles and she leaned against it. This was the worst part of the shower, but she never skipped it. With a shuttered breath she readed herself before reaching down. The moment she made contact she gagged and dropped the washcloth. Quickly she shut off the water and blindly grabbed at a towel to dry herself. Once again she was reassured that she was still stitched up down there. 

Nor binded her breasts and dressed in a black palazzo pants and an even breezier black top. She didn’t bother with make-up and did her hair in a braid. It was still another hour before she was expected at the Time Dragon Clock so she took her time and prepared a big breakfast. 

At headquarters she was greeted by Brrr and he filled her in on which tasks she had to work on. Today she had to listen for any codes that would come through from Apple Press Farm and write them down. It was one of the more boring jobs because it involved a lot of waiting and the static through the headphones became unbearable after a couple hours. But it was the only way to get coded messages from the Farm so it was the cornerstone the entire operation relied on.

Hours passed and nothing had come through. Nor was glad she had packed her notebook and a pencil so she could busy herself with writing. She bowed deep over the paper so nobody could see. It was a comfort to write stories, but there was the lingering dread of being read. It was only meant for her eyes. As a child she would ask her mother to read her stories all the time. Those memories were so distant, it was as if they were planted inside her brain. There was no real connection to them. 

_The frog jumped from water lily to water lily, obediently, because it was told it was its purpose. When there were no more lilies left, it jumped anyway, because that was all it knew how to do. That’s how the frog drowned._

She wrote down the last sentence when her ear picked up on a loud cackle and the hushes that followed. Nor looked up and saw three co-workers standing in the kitchenette, on their coffee break. The group quickly turned around and stiffened their giggles, as if they had not been blatantly gossiping about Nor the whole time. 

Nor didn’t think very highly of them so she didn’t pay them any mind. She picked up where she left off. But with the writing flow disrupted she couldn’t tune out the loud whispers of their conversation.

“... I just expected a bit _more_ from a Winkie heir,” a male voice said disapprovingly.

“Heir? _She_? What kind of tribe would listen to _her_? Even Kumbricia stoners have more life in them.” 

The group choked on the little joke. 

“No no,” a woman’s voice hushed the other two. “It’s true. Her father was Fiyero Tigelaar, prince of the Arjikis.”

The other woman gasped. “The Winkie diplomat who got murdered?”

_Once upon a time there was a child who lived in a castle on top of a mountain. She had an older and a younger brother, a mother and a father and more aunties than she could count…_

“Yeah, remember how it kickstarted the political escalation between Ev and Fliaan?”

“Wait wasn’t that when The Wizard was still in power?”

_Her daddy got killed when she was three. Blood on stone steps. Military troops were on the castle’s doorsteps two weeks later. Knocking louder and louder. Blood on stone doorsteps. Mother got taken so did her brothers. Her aunties got r-ped and got slit by the throat. Red Windmill. Red Windmill. Red by blood. Splattered around the cold steps._

“I heard his body stayed on those steps for three days! The smell must’ve been unbearable.”

“I can’t get over how Silent Dead over there is supposed to be a _princess_.” 

_Mommy, mommy, preciously so. Fed her three children when she was starving so. Malnourished and weak she was the first to go. Her brothers grew ill and afraid of getting infected, the soldiers killed them next. To relieve from the pain the child bruised her little knuckles hitting concrete walls. Blood on cold stone. Blood. Blood. BLOOD._

A hand placed on her shoulder, “Nor?”

“ _Don’t touch me!_ ” Nor shrieked and reflexively wielded her fist into the person’s face. She tumbled from her chair and the headphones snapped off. Her shoulder painfully hit the ground and her body twitched. 

Her eyes darted around. The gossips looked at her with raised eyebrows and their hands covering their mouths to stifle their laughter. Then she saw the person she had hit. Brrr held a hand to his now bloody nose. He looked at her, scared and guilty. 

All noise in the office had died down. She felt vulnerable. She didn’t want to be a girl anymore. Their eyes shifted to the table where the notebook laid. 

“I-I’m sorry,” Brrr stuttered in a panic and reached out his hand that wasn’t bloodied for them to grab. Then realized what he had been yelled at for and awkwardly put his hand in his pocket. “I only wanted to ask... a-are you okay?"

Nor stared at him wildly, their heart in their throat. They launched forward and snatched the notebook from the table and grabbed their bag. They ran out of the office, the stairs down and out of the building. They ran and ran until their lungs collapsed. Nor never stopped, they did not return. 

_The child was the one to live, but died every time their family did._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the day of posting it's my birthday! Leave a comment what you liked about the chapter as my present? :D Next chapter will be up in about 4-6 weeks! (this fic's lengthy and I need a good amount of time to keep up ;))


	5. Solitude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Update:** As I am currently writing my MA thesis and need to put all my efforts into graduating, I decided to put WLAU on hiatus until mid-August. Thank you for your understanding and patience! Enjoy this chapter and I can't wait to continue sharing the rest of this story with you! :) 
> 
> **Warnings:** a few references to sexual content (only one of which is actually explicit), and depiction of violence

Glinda’s childhood bedroom had a beautiful view of the meadows surrounding Frottica. The town counted more farm animals than people and was mostly known for its rich dairy. During her time at Shiz Glinda had hidden behind her title. The Arduennas were an old nobility that was passed down maternally, though their influence had dwindled over the centuries. 

It’s not as if she lied about her status. Heaven’s no! She just didn’t correct a few false assumptions. For one, they didn’t live on top of the hills with the other noble families. Neither could they live off the lands they owned, whatever was left of it anyway. What they did have was a cow. Weird as it might sound, in Frottica it was an emblem of wealth. If you had a cow it meant you had enough land to waste one on. Differently from the actual farmers of the village, the cows in possession of the nobility weren’t meant for produce, they were simply a symbol. Glinda had never spoken a word about this at university, afraid of being crowned the _farm girl_ by her peers.

With her pyjamas still on Glinda slipped in her boots, took the straw basket from its hook and went into the backyard. She had to plow through muddy patches before getting to the barn at the end of their property. As soon as she opened the big doors the chickens scattered between her legs to greet the daylight. Glinda almost lost her footing because of it. 

“Pesky little things,” she mumbled annoyed. The chickens clucked happily in return. 

“Berthie?” Glinda called out.

In the corner of the barn Berthie rose to her hooves and slowly moved over to greet her. She was an elderly cow by now; Glinda was very young when Berthie was born. Back then they had a couple more cows, but these days it was only Berthie. 

“Hey girl, how are you? You’re a messy sleeper,” Glinda tutted and with broad strokes got rid of the straws stuck to her fur. The cow mooed. “I’ve missed you too, sweetheart. How the day-and-night cycle can be so long, hm?”

Glinda was lost in thought for a while, petting Berthie gently. “I’ve dreamt of them again. It's been a while since that happened. We were at Shiz and bickering about - I can’t even remember what it was. But then…” she smiled and felt herself blushing. “Well, in short, we kissed.”

Even in the company of a single cow it was scary to say out loud. She hadn’t talked about Elphaba with anyone but her. Her head plunged into Berthie’s rough brown fur. “ _Ugh_ , I know it’s silly. Shouldn’t I be over this by now? But it was so wonderful, it felt just like that night. Oz, what I would give to experience that again.” 

She looked over at Berthie, who was staring at her blankly. “I know Berthie, _I know_ ,” said Glinda resigned and went back to petting her. “It’s been two years since that night. I _graduated_ three weeks ago! Shouldn’t my life be picking up now? Isn’t that what being an adult is all about?”

She leaned forward to Berthie’s face. “Is that how you adult, Berths?” 

Berthie moved away and headed for the door. 

Glinda’s shoulders sagged and she watched as the cow slowly walked into the grassfield. “Yeah, I figured.”

She searched around the barn for eggs the chickens laid and put them in the basket. These would make for a good omelet. She walked back to the house and in passing whispered to Berthie: “The dream is between you and me, okay?” 

In the kitchen, Glinda took her time with cooking. Making an omelet was about as far as her cooking skills went. She had a knack for burning things and messing up flavours. But she had to admit she was quite proud of the result: only the tips were burnt. With a fork in one hand and a book in the other, she enjoyed her breakfast.

Halfway through her omelet, her mother came in with a crate full of groceries. “Oh good, you’re awake.” She planted a kiss on the top her her head and put the crate on the kitchen counter. “It’s so lovely outside, I cycled to the market today. Have you been outside yet? How long have you been awake?”

Glinda swallowed her bite. “Good morning, Ma. I said hello to Berthie and the chicks.”

“And consuming all their produce by yourself, I see.” Larena didn’t even look. She was putting the groceries away. 

“You and Papa weren’t home.”

“Well, next time even if your father and I aren’t home, make sure to leave some in the fridge.”

“Yes, Ma,” said Glinda obediently, rolling her eyes a little. 

She just wanted to be left alone and read her book, but even before Larena was done with storing all the groceries, she sat opposite of Glinda with a sparkle in her eyes.

“So, exciting news. You remember Loes? The niece of our farmer’s neighbor?” 

Glinda blanked. “Sure.”

“Well, she’s your age and she’s getting _married_! Of course all Gillikin nobility are invited. And I’ve decided we are going.”

Glinda lowered her book. “We?”

“You, me, and your father. It’s two weeks from now in Settica. So we _must_ go shopping this week for your dress. You’re a Shiz graduate so people expect you to dress appropriately.” 

“Or, I could use that time to search for a job.” 

Larena scoffed. “Nonsense, you’re an _Arduenna_. Ladies of the Arduenna Clan don’t _work_. We have to maintain a certain status. No, you are going to this wedding reception. There will be lots of people your age to mingle with.” And by people, she specifically meant eligible male bachelors. 

Glinda scrunched her nose. “Do I have to?” 

“Oh, come now! Since when do you not want to go to a party? It will be good for you. Sometimes I worry how little you go out.” She stood up and gave her a shoulder pat as she walked back to the kitchen. “Besides, you have a degree now, show it off!” 

“But God forbid I use it,” Glinda muttered. 

“What’s that, sweetie?”

“Nothing, Mama.” 

\--

Glinda had seen the sun rise and fall without leaving her cell. She had been acquainted with solitude all her life, but the treatment in this prison was unlike anything she had ever experienced. Even in her loneliest years, she still had the freedom of movement. Now she had given that up too. And she was about to give up even more.

The footsteps echoed through the hallway. One of the guards was making his rounds. Glinda sat firmly in her chair with her gaze turned to the barred window. There was a creak as the hatch in the door opened. Glinda could smell the tray of food that was reached out into the cell.

Without looking at the guard, Glinda raised her voice: “Let Cherrystone know I’m on hunger strike till I get some _proper_ answers.”

The guard scoffed and dropped the tray of food. It clattered on the ground and Glinda flinched. “Try resisting it first, inmate.” 

With brute force the guard slammed the metal opening shut and kept walking. Glinda exhaled the tension she had been holding. She looked over her shoulder to see the mashed potatoes and water spilled over the floor. It was a mess to look at. Her stomach growled but Glinda turned her attention back to the window. If there was one thing she was good at, it was waiting.

“Do my eyes deceive me? Larena Arduenna as I live and breathe!” the hostess walked up to Larena and kissed her cheeks. “How are you darling? You look gorgeous.” 

“Oh, you exaggerate,” Larena replied modestly, but clearly basking in the compliment. “Congratulations to your daughter. It was a most beautiful wedding.”

The woman, whose name slipped Glinda’s mind at the moment, was indistinguishable from all the other mothers at the wedding. Refined jewelry, a big and beautiful dress, satin evening gloves, and her hair was neatly intertwined in a complex bun that a maid must have worked on for hours. The only feature that made her unique was the birthmark near her eye, which she attempted to hide with foundation. 

“Why, thank you. It’s the greatest honor as mother of the bride to arrange it all.” At this point Glinda caught the woman’s eye. She had been standing next to Larena this whole time. “My word! Child, you are the _spitting_ image of your mother.” 

Larena jumped in instantaneously. “You know Glinda graduated from Shiz this summer?”

The woman gasped. “Truly? Such a distinguished woman at such an early age. You must be so proud, Larena.”

Though her polite smile did not drop, Glinda’s gaze hardened. She was being treated as a prop to be shown off. 

“Glinda, dear.” Larena laid a hand behind her shoulder. “Why won’t you get yourself a drink and mingle with some of your Shiz friends? I’m sure they are around here somewhere. I got so much catching up to do with my dear old friend.”

“Of course, Mama. I will be on my way then,” said Glinda. She curtseyed before the bride’s mother, which was received with a delighted: “Oh, aren’t you a _doll_!” and Glinda walked towards the bar.

Rows of wine glasses were laid out for anyone to grab, and were constantly being refilled. The aristocratic Gillikinese were fast and heavy drinkers. Glinda walked to the edge of the bar, turned her body slightly so the people near her could not see her, and slammed down a glass in one go. At the young age of twelve she already drank along with her parents whenever important guests came over for dinner. It had ensured she had a pretty high tolerance, and if she was going to survive this party, she better start drinking. 

Glinda replaced the empty glass with a new one, this time holding on to it. There was a balance to be struck when drinking amongst aristocrats. You couldn’t get drunk and put your family’s name to shame. She had to get tipsy enough to get through this party, but not too tipsy, or she would make a fool out of herself. 

She peered around the giant lounge to see if she recognized anyone. Not that it mattered; the friends she actually would want to hang out with would never attend a party like this. Soon enough, Glinda found herself amongst a group of new graduates, some of whom she vaguely recognized from lectures. Mostly, she just listened to the insignificant complaints of these rich adult babies. Had she been like this too? Was she still like this? It was an ugly reflection of her worst qualities. 

Glinda only weighed in on the conversation when she saw fit. It was more a strategy to keep her place at the table than something she was actually passionate about. That was, until the conversation turned to politics.

“Come now, La Mombey is not stupid enough to actually attack us. Ugabu was supposed to stay a secret. She’s not going to attack Oz with all eyes on her. She has nowhere to hide.”

“But why develop nuclear bombs you are not going to use?”

“It’s all just a mind game,” a third guy jumped in. “How long has it been since the Big Bomb fell? One, almost two years? It’s a _bluff_. Nothing has happened and nothing is going to happen.”

Glinda stared ahead. “You’re forgetting the arsenal of nuclear missiles that are being developed,” she said without looking anyone in the eye. “We can assume Oz and Ev both try to outnumber the other. Thus leaving at least two countries with weapons that could wipe out all of civilization. Granted, they are not being used but they are sitting idle. They won’t get dismantled as that would require mutual trust. Something I do not foresee happening in at least the next fifty years. Consider that for a second: for the rest of our lifespan, there only has to be one wrong move, one idiot near the launch button, and we’d all be dead.”

The third guy’s eyes widened. “Lurline, you’re one of those Wizard accusing lunatics, aren’t you?” 

Glinda met his gaze. “I assure you I am not. Otherwise, would I be standing here?” That’s when she remembered to smile. “I’m only considering a different perspective. We are all academics here, aren’t we?”

“You said you were a Shiz-graduate, right? Doesn’t that make you a hypocrite?” A red-headed girl now joined in as well.

“Why would it?”

“If you graduated that means you stayed at Shiz during the nuclear threat. If you truly thought it so dangerous, why did you stay?”

Glinda closed her mouth. She did not have an instant rebuttal for that, at least not one that she could say out loud. She chose her words carefully, “That would be giving in to fear. Discarding any evidence of a nuclear threat is foolish,” and she stared at the third guy. “But giving in to those fears? That would lead to a life not worth living.”

A few in the group nodded, but the guy next to her let out a laugh and and bumped her arm. “Lighten up, woman. This is a wedding! Besides, we all can afford a private bunker, can’t we?”

The group laughed at his distasteful joke and the conversation went on. Glinda excused herself to get some more wine. With a new, full glass in her hand she headed in a different direction. Away from the crowd. When they entered the mansion she had spotted a beautiful balcony that looked out over the Pertha Hills, and Glinda was determined to find it. 

She asked a few of the staff members for directions upstairs, and only opened the door to the wrong suite three times (Glinda had the most unfortunate timing as one of them was occupied), before finding the library that had a balcony attached to it. 

As she opened the glass door to the balcony she saw a man leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette. He was a big man, and Glinda estimated him in his early forties. He had salt-and-pepper hair and a thick moustache. He wore round spectacles and had a pocket watch in his striped grey suit. 

“Pardon me, I had no idea someone was here,” Glinda apologized, about to close the door again.

“Oh, I don’t mind the company,” the man replied calmly. “If you don’t mind the smoke.” 

Sharing the balcony wasn’t ideal, but she didn’t feel like going back. Besides, her father smoked a similar brand of heavy cigars, so she was used to the smell. Glinda stepped forward and rested her arms on the railing. The glass of wine dangled loosely in her hand. 

The familiar view of the Pertha Hills had a calming effect. Though Settica was quite a way from Frottica, it still looked familiar. The same kind of green hills and the familiar centuries-old Gillikin architectural build. The only difference was how Settica was a much bigger city than Frottica, which was very much a small town. 

Glinda exhaled slowly and focused on the view. The fresh air mingled with the smell of tobacco. She sipped at her wine and felt a headache coming up.

“Needed a break from the crowd as well?” the man spoke up after the long silence.

Glinda smiled a little to herself. “What gave me away?”

“Nothing breaks a spirit faster than mingling amongst the aristocrats.”

She looked over her shoulder. “If you’re at this wedding it means you are one.”

“Hm,” the man took a drag. “I’m from new money; I deal in real estate. They’ve only started inviting me to these parties this year.”

“Why, congratulations are in order then. You’ve made it.” Glinda did not conceal her sarcasm and the man chuckled. She twirled the wine in her glass and her eyes shifted back to the landscape. “At least you work for your money. Most attendees downstairs know little about work let alone the world they participate in.” 

She thought back at the conversation she just had and gulped the wine down fast. The man didn’t comment on her bad etiquettes. 

“How do you mean?”

She sighed. “I mean their self-centeredness. In the face of nuclear war they are more occupied with protecting their wealth and self-interest before even realizing the majority of Oz does not have the resources they have.”

“I see,” the man put out his cigarette and joined her at the railing. “Though to use your words, if you are attending this party, you are one of them.”

She huffed. “I’m from _old_ money. Only significant in title and even that has waned. Whatever wealth and prestige the Arduennas once possessed is long gone.”

“My apologies. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“It’s fine.” Glinda waved off and rubbed her head. “If I’m being honest, I let a different argument I had with my mother cloud my tone.”

The man smiled at her and stuck out his hand. “The name’s Chuffrey.”

She shook it. “Glinda of the Arduenna Clan.”

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Miss Arduenna.” 

A sharp _clank_ of a metal bar hit the door of Glinda’s cell that disturbed her from her sleep.

“You’re not in the correct position,” the guard said.

Glinda grumbled hazily and turned on her back and put her arms on top of the blanket. The guard left and Glinda felt her consciousness drift back to that balcony.

“You do know there are smoking areas within the building, right?” Glinda commented when Chuffrey lit up another cigarette. “You don’t have to endure the cold air if you don’t want to.”

“Are you cold?” Chuffrey asked, gesturing to offer his suit jacket. 

Glinda flushed with embarrassment. “Not what I was implying, but if you are offering..?” It _was_ getting pretty cold after all.

“Of course,” Chuffrey said, and shrugged off his jacket and handed it over to her. “I never understood how in formal wear women are dressed in only one layer when men wear three.”

“Because women are to be gawked at while men get to be comfortable,” Glinda mumbled under her breath as she draped the jacket over her shoulders. It smelled strongly of tobacco. 

Though Glinda did not intend for him to hear the comment, Chuffrey replied, “I suppose you’re right.” He took a drag of his cigar. “And to answer your question, I feel unwelcome in the men’s smoking area. I’m not titled high enough, I’ll stick out like a sore thumb.”

“Is it truly that bad?”

“In my mind it is,” Chuffrey said with a chuckle. “Perhaps I exaggerate.” 

Glinda thought of the kind of man her father was, and how - despite being married into nobility himself - would still look down on someone like Chuffrey. “Perhaps.”

She watched how he blew out some smoke and realized his age. “What about your wife? Is she not titled also?”

He smiled a little nervously and a blush crept up on his cheeks. “Ah, you see, I am yet to be married. All my time I have spent building my business. I never did have a mind for romance.”

“Those sound like the words of someone else.”

“They are, but they are mine as well. I do think of marriage as transactional more so than most people. The one woman who reciprocated my feelings blew off our engagement; said I was too business-oriented to be romantic.”

“Then, if you are no romantic and nobody dragged you to this wedding, isn’t this the last place you want to be?” Glinda quickly added, “Forgive me if I’m being blunt.”

Chuffrey chuckled again. “All good, Miss Arduenna. But as most of my interactions, I am here for business. Clients really appreciate it if you go to these sort of occasions. It shows you care. Besides, it’s a great place to network.”

Glinda took a sip of her wine and glanced at him. “Not if you’re standing on a balcony, it’s not.” 

Chuffrey billowed heartily. “You caught me at my own game.” He took the cigarette out of his mouth and held it out in front of him. “You see this cigar? I only smoke these heavy ones when my nerves get to me. Some courage before I go talk business downstairs.” He put the cigar back in his mouth. “I have a normal pack with me as well, if you’re interested in one?”

“No, thank you,” Glinda declined. “What was it you do again?”

“Real estate,” he said and reached for his pocket square, suddenly seeming to remember it was not there. “It’s in my jacket.”

Glinda put the empty glass of wine down and reached inside the inner pocket of his jacket. She felt a whole stack of business cards and took one out. It had his name in a fancy font and his business information on it. “So what is it that you do, exactly?”

“The short of it is I scout properties or land I think have high resale value. Most of the times I improve it before proposing an offer to a client.”

Glinda raised her eyebrows in curiosity. “That must mean you do a lot of renovations of old buildings.”

“Yes, why?” Chuffrey looked at her bemused. “You sound excited.”

“Oh.” Glinda blushed and fidgeted with the business card. “It’s nothing. I have a bit of an interest in architecture, that’s all.”

“Doesn’t sound like nothing to me.” He took another drag. “Is that how you spotted this balcony?”

“I saw it when I walked into the mansion.” 

“Hm.” Chuffrey smiled. “Perhaps you should lend me your talents some day. I could use a keen eye like yours.”

Though she knew nothing of the sort would ever happen, it did make her glow with pride. “I wouldn’t mind that, Chuffrey.” 

She wanted to put the business card back, but he stopped her. “Oh no, you should keep that, Miss Arduenna.” He shied away from her gaze and focused on the hills ahead. “That is, if you ever feel like corresponding again.” 

_CLANK!_

Glinda flinched awake at the harsh sound.

“Lie in the correct position, inmate.”

 _Dammit_ , she had shifted again in her sleep. With a heavy head she turned around to lie on her back once more. The guard moved on. She felt restless and sleep did not come.

Glinda woke up in the middle of the night in her old bedroom. The curtain was pushed aside and the moon shone through. Her window had been opened. A figure was standing near her desk. Glinda raised herself up. The figure came closer and there was no doubt in her mind left.

“Elphie,” she whispered, relieved.

Elphaba rested their finger against their lips. They kneeled beside the bed and took her hand.

Glinda couldn’t believe her eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“I can no longer be without you,” Elphaba whispered.

Glinda tugged at their hand and pulled them close, till she could finally see their eyes in the dark. “Then stay.”

She did not know who kissed who first, and it didn’t really matter. After two years they were finally back together. Elphaba’s hand found its way under the blanket and their cold fingers trailed down her bare stomach. They locked eyes. Glinda felt butterflies crawling under her skin.

“Do you trust me?” they asked.

Forgetting how to speak, she nodded, and their lips crashed together.

“Glinda?”

Glinda jumped awake. Her heart was booming rapidly in her chest and her skin felt like it was on fire. Her mother was standing in the door frame with a peculiar look on her face. 

“Mother!” Glinda exclaimed in panic. “W-Why didn’t you knock?”

“I did, but _someone_ slept in late today,” Larena made her way to the window and opened the curtains. Light poured into her bedroom. Her mother went on: “I’ve never seen you so happy asleep.” she opened the window for fresh air. Glinda swallowed thickly as she realized Elphaba’s visit had been a dream.

“Speaking of which,” Larena said and handed over an envelope. “A certain _gentleman_ responded to your last letter.”

“Oh.” She laid the envelope on her nightstand. 

“I’m sorry for disrupting what was clearly a _very_ wonderful dream. Should I leave you and the letter alone for a bit?” Larena teased.

“ _MA!_ ” Glinda yelled, her face flushing bright red. 

“What, honey?” Larena feigned innocence. “Even ladies have those dreams. It’s only natural.”

Glinda made a noise in the back of her throat and crawled under her sheets out of sheer embarrassment. “Please, _go away_!” Came the muffled reply.

“Okay, sweetie. Message received,” her mother said with a clear smile in her voice. Glinda heard the door lock and underneath the covers she buried her head in her hands. She was never going to leave these blankets. 

_CLANK!_

Glinda abruptly awoke from whatever unconscious state she had been in. Without the guard even telling her, she rolled onto her back. How she wished she didn’t shift in her sleep. The guard left and Glinda felt the thumping of a headache. Every night had been like this. She would give just about anything for even an hour of uninterrupted sleep. 

“Berthie?” Glinda called out the cow’s name. It was drizzling outside and Berthie had moved back into the stable. “Come here, girl.” 

She took one of the brushes as Berthie wandered towards her and began brushing her fur. At first Glinda was quiet, not really sure where to start or really trusting herself on speaking these thoughts out loud. 

She took a deep breath and blurted out: “They visited me last night. It wasn’t at Shiz like all my other dreams, they were right with me in my room. It all went so fast. We were kissing and then they…” Glinda’s cheeks turned a deep red. “I-I never dreamt about that before.”

Not that a lot had happened, but the intent of Elphaba in her dream was clear, and Glinda had agreed wholeheartedly. It was scary but also exciting. Her mother could not have walked in at a more inconvenient time. Worst thing was that she instantly knew what was going on. Glinda’s brow furrowed. “Mama said that even women have those dreams. That it’s _natural_. Does that mean it’s bad that I’ve never had those dreams before? About anyone?” Something twisted in her stomach. “I know Mama thinks I dreamt of Chuffrey. I know if she knew the truth of who I dreamt of she’d be disgusted. But I don’t love him like I do Elphie.” She said their name quietly, paranoid of being overheard. 

“I’m so confused, Berthie,” she whispered and froze mid-brush. “I thought I knew what I felt. It has taken my two years to figure it out, but one simple comment from Mama and my whole world is turned upside down. That’s not a sign of a stable world, is it?” 

Glinda stared ahead. “I wish I’d never bought that bloody book…” She shook the thought away and moved around Berthie to brush her other side.

“Anyway, Chuffrey wrote me a letter saying he’d be near Frottica for business in two weeks. He inquired if he could come visit me. Weirdly enough, I don’t mind his company. He doesn’t dismiss my talents or expect a passionate love affair. He once said he treats romance like a business and I actually believe that now. He might ask for my hand in marriage.” Glinda let that sink in for a bit. _Married to Chuffrey. Away from Frottica but a new world open to her. What would that be like?_ The annoying clucking of the chickens brought her back to reality. She shushed them and continued, “I don’t love him, but I might have to accept. It’s not like I will get a better offer. Or get to be with Elphie…”

Her shoulders sagged at the realization and she let the brush fall into the hay. For the first time Berthie looked towards Glinda. Her adorable, dark button-like eyes stared at her. Glinda smiled sadly and took her snout in both hands and petted her. “You’re so lucky,” she whispered hoarsely and emotional. She planted a kiss on her fur. “You don’t have to deal with these stupid human emotions. What an absolute dream life you have.”

_CLANK!_

Glinda stirred awake. 

“Time to wake up, inmate.” 

She rubbed her eyes and threw off the blankets. The guard held up a tray of food through the door. “I don’t have all day.” 

“I’m on _hunger strike_ ,” Glinda bit back.

“Get dressed,” was all the guard said and walked away with the tray. 

Not long after Glinda had dressed herself in her daily prison clothes, two guards entered her cell. She crossed her arms. “What’s the meaning of this?”

The two guards yanked her arms loose and put them behind her back.

“ _Excuse me?_ I _demand_ to speak to Cherrystone!” Glinda yelled furiously. 

“These are his orders. Going on hunger strike means a week in solitude.” 

The guards pushed her forward and panic rose in Glinda’s chest. She tried to wrestle herself out of the grip but the guards had a firm hold on her. Her head was pushed down and they walked in a different set of corridors then whenever she visited Cherrystone. Down some stairs and then another set of stairs. The light cut off and Glinda knew they were below ground. 

“There has to be some other way to negotiate,” she tried in a desperate attempt.

“Quiet.” 

One guard let go of her to open the big cell door. It was a square little cubicle that was pitch black. Glinda’s breath staggered. “No… I don’t want to go in there.” 

“Should’ve thought about your actions having consequences, inmate.” 

Glinda got pushed inside the cell and the door shut close with a heavy thud. The lock turned and there was nothing. There was no bed frame, no sink, no window. The cell was devoid of any light source. Glinda tried to get footing on the rubber floor and with a wobbly step traced the walls of her cell with a reached out hand. Somewhere there was a straw mattress and a bucket. Anything else around her was made out of rubber. 

She fell down to her knees and let her head fall back against the rubber wall. Her stomach was growling. She put her arms around it and made herself small.

“Thank you for accompanying me on this walk, Miss Glinda.” Chuffrey smiled at her. 

“It’s my pleasure. I love walking through the Pertha Hills,” Glinda replied. “Perhaps I’m a simple country girl after all.”

“You are that and many more things, Miss Glinda.” 

They reached a set of stones and Chuffrey offered his hand to help Glinda get up. She took it gracefully and lifted up her dress slightly to manage a bigger step. Chuffrey dropped her hand again once they walked along; he truly was a gentleman. 

“I have to admit, my reasons for bringing you here are twofold. As much as I am delighted to be in the company of your parents it’s your company I enjoy the most.”

Glinda felt her stomach rise and fall all at once. It had been several months since their first meeting on the balcony, and they had been in correspondence ever since. She had a very strong sense where this was heading. 

“I’m not much of a romantic, that much I am aware of, but nevertheless, you have been nothing but surprising, Miss Glinda.”

“I hope in a good way?” Glinda interrupted teasingly.

“Oh, in the best way,” Chuffrey emphasized. He tried to continue with what was clearly his rehearsed speech, but seemed to have forgotten what he wanted to say.

“Go on,” Glinda said encouragingly, and briefly touched his arm. “You were saying I was surprising?”

“Right! Well, you see, I know I approach the world from a very business-oriented perspective. But it appears, so do you.” He glanced briefly at her if she was still agreeing, and folded his hands behind his back. “I-In any case, not spinning around this topic for too long, I was hoping to ask you for your hand in marriage.”

Glinda, having expected this proposal, folded her hands behind her back as well and said: “Before I give you my word I do have some conditions you must agree upon first.”

Any other man would be annoyed to have to adhere to conditions for a marriage, but Chuffrey looked absolutely delighted.

“A negotiator! Naturally, Miss Glinda. I should have expected such from a true business mind like yours. Would it even be a proposal if you had accepted the first offer?”

“Indeed. Well, I mostly have _one_ main condition,” Glinda swallowed. She twirled her foot around and actually felt a little nervous now. “If you allow me to be so forward..?”

Chuffrey gestured to go ahead.

She found her voice again and said: “One of my conditions to marriage is that we do not share a bed. Ever.”

The finality in her voice made Chuffrey halt. He pondered over her condition for a moment and then he smiled. “A true business proposal then. As you wish, Miss Glinda.”

Glinda didn’t know whether to be relieved or feel ill. He had accepted the condition she thought he would decline. She smiled at him, but inside her heart it was as if she had agreed to her death penalty. Her life wasn’t going to be exciting. That’s what she had accepted. She was simply going to be a socialite wife. She would be supportive of her husband and swallow down her envy for the freedoms he had. She would be the perfect host and attend all the grand parties. Greet everyone with a warm smile without ever looking like she would much prefer to be buried underground. She would live amongst the richest of society and never have to worry about food or housing or clothing or anything her heart desired. But what her heart _truly_ desired, was something she could never have. That piece of her she had to bury deep inside and view for what it really was: fantasies, illusions, nothing but the feverish hopes of a delusioned socialite.

In her rubber cell, Glinda felt that same emptiness she had felt in that moment. It was when she realized she had signed her fate away to a life she did not desire. 

Elphaba could be safe on the other side of the Wall. That’s what Glinda hoped, at least. That was the guise she had been working from. But what if she was wrong? What if she never got out of this prison? Wouldn’t she be too late, anyway? It had been over a decade. Elphaba could be hiding somewhere in the Ozlands, but she could be kissing someone else’s lips.

She grew sick. Devoid of any other stimuli, her stubborn brain latched on to her insecurities and showed Elphaba kissing and undressing a body that was so very different from Glinda’s.

“Stop it,” she muttered and gritted her teeth.

Green lips sucked on dark skin with a blue diamond pattern. Both figures were naked and entangled. Elphaba pushed the figure down and the man eagerly let his tongue glide down their sweaty green skin, to their genitalia. Elphaba let out a moan as the man dug in greedily. Elphaba opened their eyes and at last noticed Glinda standing in the same hollow white space. Their eyes cold as ice. “You didn’t think I’d wait for you, did you?”

Glinda retched, but nothing but spit dribbled from her lips. She wrapped her hands around her ankles and pulled her knees towards her head, folding into a tiny ball. Curled up on the floor, she cried her little heart out as the images consumed her soul.

\--

It had been many neutral days in a row. The longest streak Nor had in quite some time. Walking past the mirror without even a single glance, they turned on the coffee machine. Nor noticed a paper that was shoved under their door and picked it up.

_Call from a Mister B. who asks to please respond._

Nor crumpled the note and threw it in the trash. Brrr had been trying to call them all week. But they weren’t going back there. Not after what happened. They checked the time and noticed it was past four in the afternoon. If they wanted to have something to eat today they should probably leave the house before five. 

When the coffee was done they poured a cup and tiredly crawled back into bed. They took a sip and searched around the mattress for their journal and began writing.

_Red Windmill is where we will pick up the story. The story of the little child, a cub, and the hunters that shaped it into what it would become. But before we get ahead of ourselves, let us remind where we once started._

_The cub had a family once, but it was not the family it was allowed to keep. Blood on the hands of the hunters that took them all. That’s how the story goes._

_Its mother did not die instantly and neither did its brothers. Though they all died imprisoned, in the cages of Red Windmill. The little cub was not so lucky. It saw how its mother, once a sleek panther with fur as black as night and eyes as piercing as diamonds, turned skeletal. Her fur greying and full of patches. Her eyes dimmed until there was no more light left. For a year the cub saw its mother starving._

_Then death came for its brothers, but not soon after. The three little cubs protected each other against the hunters, against their rifles, against the poisonous thoughts they were seeding. During the next year the boys became weaker due to the conditions they lived in. It was hard work in the encampment, the sun boiling hot and the meals too sparse. Once the brothers grew ill the hunters pointed their rifles between their eyes._

_PANG!_

Nor flinched at the memory and shut the journal. They got out of bed and threw on some clothes without really noticing what they had picked out. Their breasts were still binded from yesterday and they wrapped a shawl around their neck. With their backpack filled, Nor looked at the journal in a moment’s hesitation, and then decided to bring it along.

Around the corner of their apartment building there was a little shop Nor frequented. It had all the basic food products they required. In the ODR it didn’t really matter where you got your groceries. The prices were the same wherever you went. Nor had heard tales about the Ozlands where there was more than one brand of canned soup. It seemed excessive. 

Nor paid for the groceries and headed towards a nearby playground. They settled on one of the benches that were hidden away and heard the laughter of children playing football after school, on the concrete pavement. Nor took the journal and a jar of pickles out of their backpack. With a pickle in their hand and a pen in the other they continued writing.

_The little cub, only six years of age, was frightened and alone. Got dragged along to wherever the hunters had to go. Unrest in Emerald City meant the hunters-turned-soldiers had to be stationed there. The little cub, taken by the fur in its neck, rifle against the back of its head, obediently did as they said._

_Southstairs was its next destination. Though the little cub had not yet been taught how to count, it retroactively learnt it had stayed there for six long years. Three years with their family, three years in camp, six years in the underground prison. Why this dire fate? For the little cub was now the sole heir to the tribe’s crown. Nobody wanted the little cub in charge. It had to stay locked up, until Oz was fairly divided with the cub nowhere to be found._

Nor looked up from their writing and noticed the children had left, probably being called for dinner. The sun was slowly moving below the horizon and Nor took it as a sign to move away from the playground. 

They wandered around the city without aim or direction. Emerald City at night was a different city. There were hardly any lights and all businesses except a few bars were closed. Nor knew it to be a facade. That behind those closed doors the underbelly of society was festering. Everything that was forbidden or frowned upon did not end once it got outlawed, it just moved to hidden places. 

Nor stopped by one of the streetlights that was still working and got out their journal.

_Why did the soldiers not kill the little cub when they could easily do so? That, the little cub had never figured out. Maybe they needed a reason and the little cub never gave them one. Maybe, in some twisted way, the soldiers had grown to care for the little cub. Enough at least to not shoot it down. Or maybe, the little cub was forgotten. Like it always seemed to be. It was like a ghost to society. Nobody remembered it. Nobody knew of its existence. Nobody saw it. It was nobody._

Continuing their stroll, they found they were walking the road parallel to the Wall. Soldiers were gawking at them, some reaching for their guns in case Nor had any plans. Nor didn’t have any plans, they didn’t move closer and calmly took the turn, away from the Wall. 

_Even now the cub was grown up into an adult panther, it didn’t matter where it went. It was always destined to be imprisoned._

Nor wandered the city all night long. The street lights went out at eleven on the dot. It was the government telling its citizens to go to sleep. But Nor preferred the darkness of the night, the empty streets, the cold evening breeze playing with their hair. 

In an abandoned alley near the train station Nor took the shawl and wrapped it around their mouth and nose, and put up the hoodie of their jacket. They looked around to confirm nobody was around and ducked their head and rushed towards the fence. They jumped and climbed up in rapid speed and somersaulted to land perfectly with both feet on the ground. 

Without losing their speed, they zipped open their backpack and took out a spray can. They shook it in their hand and headed right for one of the tracks where a train was stalled. 

With big movements Nor sprayed the neon-green graffiti on the train. When it was done they took a second to admire their work. Their lips twitched into a little smirk before they dumped the spray can in their backpack and ran off. Knowing that their message would have dried in the morning for the world to see:

_ELPHABA LIVES_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:** Maybe you have picked up on it, but Glinda is demisexual in this fic. Though I probably won’t use that specific word within the narrative, we are very much going to explore this part of the asexual spectrum!


	6. Resist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning(s):** descriptions of torture tactics, talks of trauma and depression, starvation, some dated LGBT terminology, references to sexual content

_The dark, underground cells were crammed with twelve people or more. Only one little bear cub amongst the many grown-ups. The prisoners tried to comfort it, but the cub showed its little sharp teeth if the adults came near._

_Food was scarcely divided between them, but the adults always sacrificed a quarter of their meal and pushed it in the direction of the cub so at least it had a proper meal._

_“If one makes it out of here, it has to be you,” a woman explained to the skeptical pup. She disarmed it with a smile; most of her teeth had fallen out. “Eat. You’re the only one who still needs to grow.”_

_Not trusting the adult pack, the bear didn’t approach the offered food until the prisoners had stop paying it attention. It munched quietly but eagerly at the cold food in front of its snout._

Nor took a bite from their meal, crumbs fell onto the bed sheets. They groaned, not wanting to clean up the mess. The only thing they wanted to do was write.

 _Months passed by with not much changing in the cell. Above ground, however, the world was on fire. Every time a new prisoner joined the cell, the pack listened eagerly to the tales of the outside. Unrest in Emerald City had escalated and explosions could be felt in the bunkers underneath the city. A vacuum was left behind by the Wizard and everyone fought for power._

_The cub would never forget the day the resistance had taken the City hostage. The Gale Force, no longer controlled by the Wizard, had taken the law in its own hand. Afraid of the power the resistance was gaining, they struck a deal. The Gale Force would act like an independent military force, who kept control over Southstairs prison. Meanwhile, the resistance was allowed to free dozens of members that were held there. The cub heard the enthusiastic cries as prisoners were led out. Three prisoners in the cub’s cell were released among them. Soon, excitement died down and the prison become a prison once more._

_New prisoners trickled in slowly. A scruffy man with a sloppy grin was one of them. He held an eye out for the cub. The woman who had so generously fed the cub all these months kept it safe. She never let the man out of her sight and convinced the guards of his dangers. But instead of the man, the cub was taken out of the communal cell and placed in solitude._

Nor clicked their pen and looked around the room. Still sitting in their bed, they peeked behind the curtains and had to squeeze their eyes against the strong sunlight. Bikers passed by and the same model of car drove by every now and then. On the opposite side of the street a few children were playing hopscotch. Nor pulled back from the sight and continued to write in the unlit studio.

_The cub grew older on the square meter that it was forced to call home. It ran in circles when it had too much energy. It made handstands against the wall and fluttered its arms around like a bird, denying the species it really was. Fantasy held the tiny bear company. It created stories in its head. Mommy’s voice would echo through, as if she read the stories out loud, like she used to do._

_One time the tiny bear was relocated to a water cell, to teach it manners through punishment. The water came to its ankles and it was not allowed to get out. With swollen feet the bear spluttered around happily. It pretending to be a mermaid, it pretended to live near the ocean, a river, a waterfall. With its sharp teeth the bear got on four paws and scouted through the empty waters, hunting for a meal. In its pretend world it caught fish after fish. The tiny bear had known nothing but imprisonment; it had become immune to its effects._

_Back in its normal isolation cell its throbbing feet recovered slowly. It hadn’t been outside for years. The tiny bear thought this was all its life would ever be. Trapped in a square room, underground, the only faces it would ever see the guards who brought it food. But life - if anything - was restless and chaotic. The tiny bear would be walking above ground once more, after it had spent almost half of its young life in the Southstairs cells._

_It all started with an ear-shattering explosion. One that left a high pitched tone ringing through its ears. The tiny bear covered them in pain and tears sprang from its eyes. Next sounds were the enthusiastic shoutings. The bear stepped on its toes to get a view through the barred window, high up. People were running, people in prison garments! They were running through the halls, running towards a light._

_The tiny bear started to claw at the door, started to slam impatiently with its paws. Hoping to be heard. A prisoner spotted the bear through the bars and halted. They tried to open the door from the outside and yelled at others to help them: “A cub! There’s a wee cub in here!” Three more prisoners came to their aid and together they maneuvered the door open. The prisoner bent down on its knees and turned their back to the bear. “Hop on!”_

_Normally so guarded and so wary of strangers, the tiny bear was too frightened to disobey the adult. It climbed on their back and held on tight as the prisoner ran full speed into the light. The first time the bear saw daylight in six years was blinding. It had forgotten the world lit itself up every day. The second thing it noticed were the bloody and disembodied limbs that were scattered on the ground. It stared at the remnants of the explosion and imagined the faces of its family belonging to the bodies._

_The adult, the bear clung so tightly to, was quick to leave Southstairs and all its chaos behind. In an empty alleyway they halted and the bear slipped off their back. The prisoner looked the tiny bear over with concern: “Where are your parents? Do you know anyone in Emerald City I can bring you too? How old are you? Why were you locked up?”_

_Too many questions that didn’t need answers. Scared for its life, for whatever the adult might do to it, the tiny bear ran off as fast as it four paws could carry it. The prisoner did not follow, they let the tiny bear go._

Nor took a deep breath and closed the journal. Night had already fallen but they couldn’t be bothered to sleep. Too restless to do so. Contradictory, they had bags under their eyes. A numbness had been coursing through their body for days. Nor was all too familiar with spending time in this void, but it hadn’t felt this big in a long, long time. The last time they left their apartment for something other than groceries had been a week ago. Nor knew what was happening, but they did not know how to get out. They opened the journal once more.

 _The tiny bear did not survive on the streets for long. It was cold at night and food was scarce. Each evening someone dressed like a sheep would come by, asking if the bear wanted to join him in a shelter. The bear growled and snarled the sheep away. But every night its objections grew weaker, its defense more frail. Until one day, the bear followed the sheep to his hideaway._

_What the bear did not know was that it just got recruited to the resistance. The once powerful resistance that held Emerald City in its grasp. But on the day of the explosion, the day of the bear’s freedom, that power had been taken away. Armies of Ev and Fliaan had collaborated together to take over the city, the only one in their way of complete capitulation of Oz. That day there were explosions and fights all over the city, taking out the resistance one by one. Southstairs was not a target, it was collateral damage. The resistance surrendered and what remained went underground._

_At first the resistance was kind. The sheep fed the tiny bear and gave it shelter. They taught it how to read and write and how to count. Skills that would help the bear out for the rest of its life. But those favors that the tiny bear had gotten came with a hefty price. One, that if the bear had known about in advance, it would have rather died in the cold streets at night. Only years later the bear found out that the so-called sheep were wolves all along, and the worst was yet to come._

With a shaking hand Nor wrote down the last line and quickly closed the book. They did not want to think about that. But one day they would have to, that much was certain. They were stuck in their own story and the only way out, was through. With a heavy heart and a dull headache Nor buried themself under the covers. The only place where they were safe, where they could hide.

They didn’t want to be part of the world anymore.

\--

Glinda trembled heavily. She hadn’t eaten in what must have been days and her body was too weak to get up. The rubber cell was her little dark torture chamber that she could not get out of. Time was unperceivable, there was only pain. Glinda thought she would die here. She would die and her body would rot and the guards would only care to get her carcass out of the cell to use it for someone else.

But Glinda did not die. What felt like an eternity eventually did come to an end. A guard opened the heavy metal door and what little light came from the corridor was painful to her eyes. 

“Can you get up by yourself, inmate?”

Glinda hesitated. She did not want to look weak in front of those pigs. But she was foolish in thinking her body was capable of anything except lying down and slowly withering away. 

“No,” she replied weakly. 

The guard stepped in the isolation cell and helped her get up. With a strong grip beneath her armpit he pushed her outside. He was not as forceful with her as she remembered some guards to be. Then again, the guard didn’t really have to do anything to keep her under control. One little push and she would sink to her knees, unable to get up. The guard knew that very well.

Glinda thought she would get back to her cell, but, through the slow process of her hazy brain, realized belatedly that she was taken to an interrogation room instead. Cherrystone was already waiting for her. 

The guard left her at the door and Glinda stumbled to the nearest chair, nearly falling into it. She laid her arms on the table, afraid they would fall off otherwise.

“Lady Chuffrey,” he spoke. “How was solitude?”

She dragged her head up - it felt more like a heavy sandbag - to meet his eyes. Her only reply to him came in the form of a grimace.

“Terrific. I hope this experience has taught you disobedience will not get you far in here. In fact, a little birdy told me that if you are compliant with this conversation, there will be a meal waiting for you.” 

The mention of food made her stomach growl. She hadn’t eaten in so long. “What are you after?” The voice that came out sounded nothing like hers; it was low and like she had swallowed a cup of gravel. 

“Your cooperation in this investigation,” he replied simply. “You see, Lady Chuffrey, I know that there is more going on then you are letting on. Though your anecdotes all seem correct and factual, they are _too_ produced. Something is missing. And while you were thinking about your actions in solitude, I did some digging. And I think I finally have a lead.”

He stood up from his desk and when he was closer flung a book on the table. It rotated a little and Glinda had to bow her head before she could read the title: _Find Me In Traum_. Her heart skipped rapidly as the memory hit her all at once.

It was her final week at Shiz University. She had finished her finals and resits and was awaiting her last grades. If she had passed everything, she would graduate this Friday. Her room was a mess with stuff she had to pack. Clothes she thought were lost reappeared and study books she hadn’t even cracked open had to be crammed in a spare suitcase. How she could acquire so much stuff within a year was beyond her. 

To kill some time she decided to leave her messy room and the campus altogether and take a stroll around Shiz. It was a nice summer day and students were studying on blankets in the grass, or sharing ales at terraces and filling the air with roaring laughter. 

Glinda made her way further in town and noticed the tiny bookshop tucked away that she had often frequented with Elphaba. It was the only way she could convince them to tag along with her shopping sprees. 

A tiny bell rang and the clerk gave her an acknowledging nod as she entered the shop. Books were everywhere. The shelves were stocked without any room to spare. Stacks of books that couldn’t fit on shelves were placed on the ground. Elphaba always said this was the best bookstore in Shiz as it did not censor, and had books on all subject matters. 

Glinda browsed for a bit in search of a book she could read over the summer. Preferably something that aligned with her interests. Now she was graduating, the expansion of her academic knowledge fell on herself. Nothing caught her immediate attention, until she saw cramped in a corner the adult section. The tags on one of the lower shelves read: _homophilia._

She quickly scanned the store, but aside from the clerk, who was reading behind the counter, she was the only patron. This was it. There would never be a more perfect opportunity. She hadn’t dared make such a purchase before, in case she needed to return to the bookstore one day and someone would recognize her. But as this was her last week at Shiz, it would be difficult to trace the purchase back to her.

She felt the pulse of her heart in her throat. Glinda swiftly walked over and kneeled down. With rapid speed she went through the titles and blurbs. Most books on the shelf had to do with male homosexuality. Only three books had to do with love between women and two of which had covers far too raunchy for Glinda’s taste. The third book was different. It was called _Find Me In Traum_. From what she could tell it was a forbidden love story between a rich aristocrat named Theresa who frequently crossdressed as a man and a simple farm girl named Annabeth whom she hired as a maid. 

Her palms, damp with sweat, clutched the book to her side and she rose up. She ducked in an alley and searched for a book similar in size. Not wasting too much time, she took one that had a close enough resemblance for it to work. She put the random book on top of the smut book and made her way to the counter.

The clerk looked up from his readings and pushed his small spectacles up his nose. He smiled kindly. “Found something to your liking?”

“Well -” her voice squeaked and she decided to shut up, feeling too embarrassed to keep up a conversation. She rummaged through her purse and found her wallet. She pretended to continue rummaging as she did not want to make eye contact with the clerk. 

“Interested in the mechanics of clockworks, are you? Not often a girl like yourself - Oh.” He halted as he finally saw the second title. The man looked at her, his brow lifted in surprise.

Her blush had extended to her roots. If she could choose to be buried six feet under, she would. “S-So how much, sir?”

The man looked at the two titles. “Fifteen for the lot would do.”

Glinda laid down twenty and scurried the books in her purse and nearly ran out the door as the man called after her: “Thank you for your patronage!”

Cherrystone circled around her. “I’m certain you know what this is.”

Even in this exhausting state of mind she refused to give in easily. “I’ve been acquainted with books before.”

“But this particular book. You’ve heard of it before, haven’t you?”

Her head sagged and she nearly nodded off. Cherrystone snapped his fingers and Glinda blinked awake. He stared at her for an answer.

“Can’t say that I have,” she replied slowly. 

“Hm, perhaps the tale might sound familiar. It explores a perverse relationship between two women who lust after each other.”

She let out a weak chortle. “Peculiar taste in literature you have, Cherrystone.” Her eyes were drifting around him, trying to find a focus point. “I don’t see how this should relate to me.”

Glinda hurried back to Crage Hall and locked her door. She took the two books from her purse and laid them on her bed. How grateful she was she no longer had a roommate. She lit the fireplace (an absurd gesture as it was the height of summer) and watched the flames grow. With a shuddered breath she took the pulp book in her hand. It had a lovely drawn cover that displayed a street at night with a lantern beaming warm light. There, almost like shadows, were two women facing away from the reader, not quite holding hands. Glinda imprinted the image of it in her mind and ripped off its paperback cover. She tore it into small pieces and fed it to the flames.

It became unbearably hot in her room, but Glinda let the fire go until there was nothing left of the cover. Then she gently ripped off the cover of the clockwork book, making sure it stayed in one piece, and glued it on the pulp book. Luckily she had estimated the size pretty well. She threw the clockwork book in the fire as well.

That entire week Glinda read the book in the privacy of her room. It was an unfolding romance that consumed her. The cross-dressing aristocrat Theresa had eyes for Annabeth the moment she saw her. Coming from a rural and poor background, Annabeth had little understanding of her affections for the lady she served at first. But when Theresa paid her a visit in the middle of the night, that all changed.

_“Lady Theresa!” Annabeth gasped, suddenly awake._

_Theresa put her finger against her lips._

_Annabeth sat up in her bed and stared at her mistress. She kept her voice quiet. “Is there a matter I must attend to?”_

_“No. I came here to apologize, my Annabeth,” Theresa spoke softly as she slowly stepped closer, her trusted bejeweled cane by her side. “Doubtless you have noticed I have neglected you the past week.”_

_Annabeth felt a churning in her chest. “I figured you were busy, my lady.”_

_She shook her head. “I wish that were true. My sweet Annabeth, the truth is far more horrendous, far more hideous. I am ridden with a curse, you see. For my affections are not what they ought to be.”_

_Theresa kneeled down beside her bed and bowed her head. “And these affections have been torturing me ever since I laid eyes on you. I thought I could ignore it, as I’ve done successfully many other times. But you, my Annabeth, you are different.”_

_Theresa was clutching to the edge of the bed. Tears rolled off her cheeks, and she continued her painful confession. “This is why I ignored you all week. As these cursed affections have turned towards you. And I have tried, Annabeth. I understand your disgust by what I am and I am ashamed of my feelings. I have tried to step back, but my heart refuses. So you must be the one to break my heart as I can no longer be without you,” Theresa whispered through her tears. “Every breath I take in your absence is agonizing.”_

_Annabeth had listened breathlessly. She found Theresa’s hand in the dark and beckoned her closer. “Then stay.”_

A blush spread across Glinda’s face as she continued to read how the two women shared a kiss, which slowly turned into more. Glinda had grown so hot she had to double check if the fireplace was not lit. But soon enough, her initial shyness turned into confusion. Glinda raised an eyebrow as the narrator described a very vivid and detailed description of the scene.

_Their bodies melted together and moved as one. ___

____

__

“Did their bodies just merge? I don’t -” She frowned and pictured the two women melting together into one body. It now had four legs and four arms and two heads looking in opposite directions. She let out a laugh. “This is ridiculous. Surely this isn’t what everybody is raving about, is it?”

It was the first time Glinda had picked up such a book and going off other people’s reaction to sex, she had expected an explosion of feelings. But what she felt was almost the polar opposite. As she continued reading, she noticed she was far more interested in the romance between Annabeth and Theresa. That was what made her heart speed up. When they passed each other in hallways and brushed hands, or they shared gentle kisses in the dark. Those made her blush furiously and crawl under her blanket, in case the girls next door suddenly possessed the capability to see through walls. But reading about the sex scene felt unreal, it was removed. How was _this_ the part that made people the most excited? 

“I don’t understand,” Glinda repeated once more to Cherrystone. “What does this book have to do with me?” 

Cherrystone put his hands firmly on the table and towered over her. “I’m connecting threads, Lady Chuffrey. If I were you I’d be incredibly careful about the game you _think_ you’re playing and focus on what is right in front of you.” He leaned intimidatingly close, and she felt his breath on her skin. Glinda shriveled under his gaze. “You think you are being coy, but I can _see_ you quivering.”

He gave her a long look before he pulled away. As he turned his back on her, she felt the burning sting of held back tears.

“That’s all the time I have for you,” Cherrystone said and pressed a button. 

The door behind her opened and she got escorted out the room. Before they could enter the next hallway they had to wait for a closed door and a red sign. Glinda had to put her nose against the wall and fold her arms on her back. She nodded off as she stood. The guard shook her awake moments after; the light had dimmed and they continued their walk to her cell.

The first thing Glinda saw was the meal that was placed on the chair. She scrambled towards it, fell onto her knees, and shoved the mashed potatoes and slurry of green peas into her mouth. Only halfway through the meal did she notice the wooden cutlery that had been left for her on the sink. She licked her fingers clean, grasped the cutlery and actually sat down on the chair this time. No caviar, Gillikin beef or rich flavor of Quadling spices she had consumed in her lifetime could hold up to the taste of food after a week of starvation. Once she was done, she uncharacteristically licked the plastic plate spotless. Feeling rather ill from the sudden food her body had to process, she faltered towards her bed and instantly fell asleep.

During the restless night, when the guards hit their batons on the metal door as a warning to lie on her back, Glinda wracked her brain over how Cherrystone could have found a copy of a lesbian smut book she had bought two decades ago. She had made sure it wasn’t traced back to her. Once she had finished reading it, she had snuck it into Briscoe Hall library and had placed it on a random shelf when nobody was looking. 

If Cherrystone had found out about a book she had owned for a week, then what other deeply buried secrets had he managed to uncover? Could someone possibly have ratted her out? She couldn’t imagine the clerk telling anything to the Gale Force. Maybe someone had seen her leave the book in the library after all. Maybe it was all just a lucky guess; it wasn’t the copy with the different cover she left behind, after all. Then again, was not the very reason she was in this cell based on the assumption her own friend would sell her out? 

Everyone had their price. Everyone had a breaking point.

“I have questions,” Glinda announced as soon as Elphaba opened the door. “And I won’t leave until you answer them to my satisfaction.”

She strode past them and sat down promptly at the table. Elphaba locked the bolts on their door wordlessly and sat opposite to her.

Glinda had taken out the notebook from her purse. In the last few days she had written down any question she could possibly think of. She held their eye sternly and asked: “What were your reasons for leaving Shiz?”

“Straight to it, I see.”

“I need to understand, Elphie.” The edge to her words softened as she spoke the old nickname.

“Right,” Elphaba sighed and stood up. “Let me make some tea.”

In the kitchenette they put a kettle on the stove and waited for it to boil. Glinda took this time to look over the questions she had written down once more. Her nails were tapping rhythmically against the metal of the table.

Elphaba looked at the habit with fondness. “Haven’t shaken that off, huh.”

Glinda looked up. “Sorry, I didn’t catch that?”

“Have a particular flavour you like?”

“Whichever you prefer, love.” She turned a page from her notebook and read the next page of questions. “Oh! I take mine –“

“Two spoons of sugar.” Elphaba nodded and got out a paper container from the cupboard. “I haven’t forgotten.”

With two cups of steaming tea in their hands Elphaba sat back down at the table. Glinda thanked them and blew on it before deciding it was still too hot.

Elphaba, on the other hand, took a big gulp and put it down. They didn’t make eye contact and stared at their cup. “I’m not sure how much you want me to go into it all?”

“I don’t have anywhere else to be.”

“Okay,” Elphaba said slowly. “I think you know by now why I left Shiz. I could tell the propaganda machine was already running strong and I _needed_ to do something. It didn’t matter how small it was. When the broadcast announced a group of protesters were demonstrating against the Wizard I knew I would find answers there. I thought it would only be for a few weeks. Months, tops. But once in the Emerald City, I knew this was where I had to be.”

Glinda felt a lump growing in her throat, but she pressed on. “I assume you joined some sort of organization?”

“I did.”

“Are you still with them?”

“I can’t answer that.”

Glinda worked her jaw. “I _need_ you to answer, Elphie.”

Elphaba kept stubbornly quiet. They tapped against the glass, either stalling or hoping Glinda would move on. Letting them know she wasn’t going to let it slide, Glinda slowly took a sip from her tea. Waiting was a skill she had honed well. Elphaba briefly glanced up to meet her piercing eyes and looked back at the cup.

They mumbled, “yeah.”

“What is it that you do?” She instantly struck back. 

“Glinda…” Elphaba groaned and leaned back in the chair. “You know I’m not going to answer these questions.”

“Really?” Glinda cocked her head. “Tell me what I know, exactly.”

Elphaba scoffed, muttering something under their breath.

Getting mad at Elphaba wasn’t why she had come. She sighed and closed the notebook. “Can’t you see I want to understand you better?”

“If I tell you what I know, people will hunt after you.” 

“I won’t crack.”

“You won’t,” Elphaba replied. “But I will.”

Instinctually, Glinda reached out to their hand.

They looked down. “It happened to me before and I won’t be able to hold it together a second time.” They paused. “After Fiyero’s death I… I spent years in a cloister. I took a vow of silence and I worked. That’s all I did. Realizing I played a part in his death, Glinda, you don’t understand how much that breaks you as a person. I can’t lose you too.” Their eyes met, pleading.

“Then teach me,” Glinda said, leaning closer. “Because I lost you once and I’m not letting you slip away a second time. Tell me what I need to know so I can identify who to look out for. Teach me how to roam around undetected so I can visit you. Nobody of high society suspects I absolutely hate their guts, I know how to play a double role,” Glinda said and added softly, “Please, Elphie, I need you in my life.”

Elphaba touched her chin and smiled sadly. “You’re making it sound too tempting, my sweet.” 

“ _Please_ ,” she begged once more, clutching at their hand. “Whatever you’re willing to give, I will take.”

They closed their eyes and swallowed thickly. Glinda held her breath. There was the slightest nod and Elphaba met her eyes. “Okay,” they whispered, “you can visit. But you _have_ to be careful.”

It was as if angels sang. She planted a kiss on their knuckles. “I promise I will be.”

She let go, a bit flustered, and before opening up her notebook looked up hesitantly. “Uhm, I do have some more questions, if you don’t mind?”

“Thought you might,” Elphaba said and drank the rest of their tea. “Go ahead.” 

“I still would like to know what it is that you do in the resistance?” Glinda asked carefully.

“I’m only a small part of the operation. I’m too recognizable because of my skin and therefore an easy target. Before my - let’s say sabbatical - we were still working towards getting the Wizard indicted. So the resistance was working on protest and sabotage. Then, Fiyero’s death happened and I was ordered to hide. So that’s how I ended up at St. Glinda for four years.”

Her mouth was agape. “They ordered you to stay there for _four_ years?” 

Elphaba shook their head. “The order was only for a few months. I stayed because I needed time to process. What it all meant, what I was suppose to do. That sort of thing.”

Glinda frowned. “Does that mean when I saw you exit St. Glinda that’s when you came out of your seclusion?” 

“No, the cloister I stayed in is in Shale Shadows, on the border of Gillikin. And they recruited me about nine months ago.”

“Then, that day I saw you exit St. Glinda, you went _voluntarily_?” Glinda asked in disbelief. “Never thought I’d see the day you would pray.”

“Not praying,” Elphaba was quick to correct her. “I’m still the atheist you know me to be. But four years in a cloister makes you appreciate a thing or two. What others see as praying I see as a moment of contemplation. Besides, a church is about the only place you can find some quiet in this city. I know it’s all superstition, but somehow St. Glinda makes me feel safe.” They stopped abruptly and rubbed their neck. “Anyway, I never held an important job in the resistance, but I’m still a veteran in the field. They had a lot of young blood that needed guidance. When they asked me I saw it as a calling to return to the real world.”

“You must have missed most of the violence that plagued Emerald City right after the Wizard stepped down,” Glinda realized. 

“I was there to put a stop to it. But yeah, I only caught the end of it. You were living in the Emerald City at the time, right? That must’ve been scary.”

“I fled to the estate in Mockbeggar Hall once it was no longer safe to cross a street.” She twirled with the golden beads of her bracelet. “Not everyone has that luxury, of course. I know that. So I came back to help people once the resistance held siege of the city.”

The bracelet alone could feed a family of six for over a month. She forced the sting of guilt down and searched for another question she could ask. “Are you close with anyone there?” She felt her neck heat up. “Or here? Do you get other visitors, I mean.”

“I haven’t found a Chuffrey, if that’s what you’re asking.” 

“I don’t love him,” Glinda blurted out. “I never, uhm, could really do that. Not him.” Their eyes met. The contact sent a chill down her spine. 

She averted her gaze to the notes and cleared her throat. “H-How about this place? How did you end up here?”

“I rent it from someone in the resistance. I know it’s crap, but I had nowhere else to go.”

“That makes sense.” And it most certainly explained the awful furniture Elphaba had acquired. She paged through her scribbles, some of them unreadable, answered, or no longer relevant. There was only one last question that hadn’t been asked: _Did you ever love me?_

Glinda gulped and closed the notebook. “That’s all for now.” She neatly placed it in her purse. “Thank you for your honest answers. I know I barged in here out of nowhere.”

“I definitely need to teach you a thing or two, like a secret knock so I know it’s you.”

“Can you show me?” Glinda stood up.

“Wait,” Elphaba stopped her with a touch. “Before we do that, is it alright if I ask you a question too?”

“Oh.” Glinda settled back in her chair. “Of course, you may.”

Elphaba shifted nervously. “I’ve been thinking a lot about your visit the past days. It’s kind of all I’ve been thinking about, if I’m being honest. I thought I made the right decision and perhaps part of me had to convince myself of that so I wouldn’t worry about you. But seeing you after so many years, I think I only scratched the surface of realizing how much my rash decisions affected you. So, I guess what I’m wondering is…” They took a deep breath. “Do you think you can ever forgive me for what I’ve done to you?”

Instead of shying away from her gaze - like Elphaba had done most of the conversation - they were actually holding eye contact. Glinda smiled a little and slowly laced their fingers together.

“Would I be here if I couldn’t?”

\--

Cherrystone was on his knees, placing fabric over the chair closest to the door when there was a knock on the door. He called them in and saw it was Trism.

“Sir, are you ready for Lady Chuffrey’s interrogation?”

“Almost, lad.” He smoothed over the fabric and got up with a grunt. He pulled off the tight gloves he was wearing using his teeth. “You getting her now?” 

“Yeah,” Trism replied and looked with raised eyebrows at the chair. “Whoa, a week in solitude didn’t crack her?” 

“Hm, ‘fraid not.” He tossed the disposable gloves in the trash and shrugged on his uniform jacket. Carefully, he clicked in his cufflinks. “I lured her in a corner though, but we might have a runner on our hand. Best to get a smell sample before it’s too late.”

Trism nodded. “Gotcha. Shall I fetch her then?”

\--

Far too early in the morning Glinda got woken up by a guard slamming on her metal door. “Get dressed, inmate. You are expected right away.”

With a heavy head and her eyes still closed, Glinda started to pull off her shirt, only to realize she had fallen asleep in her daily attire. She figured she had a few more minutes before the guard would disturb her again. While sitting on the edge of the bed, she closed her eyes, briefly. She instantly dozed off and the guard had to snap her awake.

She was led through the corridors in a disorienting way. As always, Cherrystone was sitting ready behind the desk in the interrogation room. Before the guard let go off Glinda’s shoulder he commanded: “Hands beneath your thighs, palms facing down.” 

Glinda looked at him, confused. “What?”

“Hands beneath your thighs, palms facing down,” he repeated, and gave her a slight push in the direction of the chair. She stumbled to it and sat down clunkily, as he had ordered. “Like so?”

The guard did a quick check and without a reply angled her arms slightly so it had more pressure. Glinda tried to make eye contact with him but the guard avoided it and was out of the room in seconds. 

Glinda turned to Cherrystone. Her hands feeling uncomfortable in this position. “What was that all about?”

“Be quiet, you’re under interrogation,” Cherrystone cut her off sharply. “Lady Chuffrey, have or have you not have romantic and or sexual relationships with women?”

Her eyes widened. “What?” 

“It’s a simple yes or no question. Have or have you not been with a woman in an intimate way?”

“I fail to see how this relates to my case, I am-”

“Yes or _no_ , Lady Chuffrey.”

“No!” Glinda panicked. “No, I haven’t been with a woman the way you describe.”

“How then do you explain your sexless marriage with Sir Chuffrey?”

“Excuse you?! Just because we did not have children does not mean-”

“Denying is pointless. It is well documented amongst your past staff that you slept in separate bedrooms, you explicitly forbade Chuffrey from entering your bedroom, and neither a lady’s maid or valet has ever caught you together in one bed.”

Glinda bristled. “This is _highly_ inappropriate. What happens in _my_ private chambers is _none_ of your concern, Mr. Cherrystone.” 

“So you don’t deny your sexless marriage?”

“I am not denying, I am _refusing_ to answer these ludicrous questions!” 

“Fine, then explain to me your relationship to Elphaba Thropp.”

“I _told_ you,” Glinda felt her frustration rising, “we were roommates at Shiz. They left and we didn’t stay in contact.”

Cherrystone wrote something down the moment she said ‘they’ and she felt the palms beneath her thighs beginning to dampen with sweat.

“Lies!” he fastly replied. “We have detailed records dating back thirteen years reporting a three year period where the Lady of the house was seen sneaking off in mundane clothes and not to be returned for an afternoon, a day, sometimes a week. Conveniently, this was around the same time you encouraged your husband to make business trips all across Oz, giving you much needed freedom.”

Her heart was racing in her chest. “That’s not true.”

“You told your staff you needed to be among the people, without your aristocratic status, but you were never seen mingling amongst the poorer classes. It was like you vanished off the map. _Or_ , as I have come to uncover, you were in cahoots with known fascist Elphaba Thropp.”

“Elphaba was _not_ a fascist!” Glinda nearly yelled. 

“How do you know? I thought you only knew her at Shiz.” He looked triumphant while saying it. “Or, are you finally giving up on that facade? Exactly how intimate did you know _them_?”

He purposefully put emphasis on the pronoun, making Glinda’s face lose all its colour.

She chose her words carefully. “You don’t need to know a person long before they show you their true character, Mr. Cherrystone.” The bitter undertone meant for him.

He smirked. “Oh, with that I agree. And I think our little talks have shown your character _very_ well, Lady Chuffrey.”

“ _Stop_ calling me that,” Glinda hissed through gritted teeth. “I am _not_ his property.”

“No he was never very much to you, was he?” He said with a twinkle to his eye. “Reading your file I wondered why a young and beautiful woman as yourself would ever want to marry a fat old man as him. But I think I know now.”

He stood up from his chair and folded his arms behind his back as he slowly walked closer. “You grew close and perhaps even fell in love with Elphaba Thropp during your time at Shiz. You find them many years later in Emerald City, they’re already recruited to that fascist group, you’re a woman of status and were expected to be married. You have a three year long affair that is hidden well under wraps, but then the final day of the resistance rung loud.”

Glinda bit her lip to stop herself from tearing up. “Stop it.”

“And whatever you two had built in secret was snatched from you in an instant.”

“Stop,” Glinda quivered, tears streamed down her face, the memories flashing in front of her eyes. “I beg you,” she whispered. “Please, _stop_.”

She was tired, she was so exhausted. It was only now that she saw how Cherrystone had played her all along. He gave her a feeling of control, but all along, she was his prey. Every step carefully planned out, manipulating her into a corner. This whole prison was designed to make people give in.

“So.” He halted right before her, and she looked up to him as tears blurred her vision. “Now that I uncovered your lifelong secret, please tell me in full detail what your _exact_ relationship was to Elphaba Thropp.”


	7. Your Will Is My Command

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **THIS CHAPTER IS FUCKED UP!! Please read the warnings and disclaimer carefully. This will be the most intense chapter of the fic and I promise it won’t get any more fucked up than this.**
> 
> **Warning(s):** _suicide attempt, memories of rape, physical abuse, body horror, massive gender dysphoria, manipulation, (gun) violence, death, and loads and loads of trauma._
> 
> This will be an incredibly rough chapter. If you’re currently not in a good mindstate: _close this chapter!_ You can always choose to come back another time. If you’re struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, are a survivor of sexual assault, or are just uncomfortable with any of the above mentioned topics, [come to my inbox instead.](https://wickedlyqueer.tumblr.com/ask) Please, PM me! I will summarize the chapter for you in a way that will fall into your comfort zone. 
> 
> I have said something similar for a chapter in my other fic Walls of Sanctuary, and now after the fact know some people wanted to PM me but felt they didn’t “know me well enough” to do so. Please don’t feel that way! This fic isn’t supposed to be torture. If you come to me I won’t ask questions. I won’t ask for your trauma. I want you to be safe, _always_. You don’t need to read about the hell you’re already going through. 
> 
> You’re valuable to this world. Don’t let a fanfic of all things fuck up the weeks, months, years of progress you’ve made.

Nor bawled their fists and clung to the bedsheets. The memories that popped up were too strong to fight. They were too painful to write down. Cold sweat dripped from their forehead. They couldn’t stop the story from being told.

 _The found family she once trusted betrayed her. Once sixteen, the little girl was sent to Red Sand to gather information for the resistance. She was taught to seduce certain men to get the intel the organisation needed_. 

Nor pulled at their hair and screamed out the pain.

 _Influential men, often twice her age, r-ped her. For two whole years she had men invade her body against her will_. 

Nor jerked away from the bed and with a loud _thump_ hit the floor. Their breath went rapid and searched for some clothes on the floor. They didn’t want to be in bed no more. 

_Often she cried so much she thought she had no more tears left. It didn’t matter if the tears came before the men had left. They beat her often, some even with tools as sharp as whips. They didn’t care about the girl. Getting off on hurting the vulnerable_.

 _She was just a girl. She was just a kid. Why would anybody do this? The princess of Arjiki, who had known nothing but hurt her entire life, hadn’t experienced the sort of domination these men wielded_. 

Nor had left their apartment and walked across the street. Night had already fallen. They wanted to go to the bridge. It was dark there. Nobody would be around. The air would be biting, the wind would be cold. 

_The girl stopped being a girl in those years. Being a girl was to be possessed. He didn’t want that. After two years, the opportunity came to run. If the resistance would come after him, they had another thing coming. But they never did come_.

_The being, for more than that it did not feel, was left a hollow shell. Its body was not its own any longer. It had been claimed by monsters over and over again. It sought out surgery as quickly as it could. An old, eccentric woman whose name it never learnt, helped to take back control. The being had its uterus removed and its vagina sewed up. No man could ever penetrate its body again._

_With this tiny reclamation, the being slowly “became” again. Though their body did never feel like home afterwards. Too many scars to remind them of a time he’d rather forget. Those men, those horrible, cruel men, could not be erased._

_The self was killed. He swapped between genders as if they were clothes. Not one seemed to stick. So she took them all. Every day a new style, a new pronoun, a different bit to hide themself behind. Clothes became like armour, to weaken the punch._

_But what if that protection crumbled with just a tiny push? A wall would always fall, in the end._

Nor clung with one arm wrapped around the metal pole of the bridge. Their feet on the frail railing and beneath them a river that called their name. This was it. Their story had been told. It was over now. It was done. They didn’t have to live no more. 

The cold wind hit their face and Nor shuddered a breath. What was life if you only were meant to suffer? 

Nor didn’t know what took them so long. One leap and it was finally over. If the world couldn’t kill them, they would have to do it themself. But the muscles in their body refused to move forward. Not a soul was around. Nobody was stopping them. 

Nobody, except a small voice, a familiar sound of a young girl who fought for life at every step. Her voice repeated like a rhythm in their head: _Not yet. Not yet. Not yet._

\--

Glinda stared into the ice-cold eyes of Cherrystone. He had done it: he had unraveled her biggest secret. It was useless denying it now. Even if she did, she didn’t think she’d be able to keep up the lie for long. The only tactic she had left was telling the truth, and hoping Cherrystone had the answers she was searching for.

“My relationship with Elphaba is as you say,” she began slowly. Her voice wavered and she paused. “Never in my life have I loved someone as deeply as I do them. And I won’t have you call me perverted or degenerated for that.” She looked at him fiercely, remembering how he described _Meet Me in Traum_. “I know my heart and I know it to be righteous and just. These are the facts and I won’t have you twist them for whatever agenda you are pushing.”

“There you are,” he grinned. “Your true face at last.” His wicked smile chilled her to the bone. Cherrystone moved back to his desk and started writing. “Please, tell me everything you know about the work Elphaba did.”

Glinda looked down at her feet. Her clammy hands started to hurt and itch under her thighs. She could feel how her face was all puffy and red from crying. She couldn’t really sink any deeper than this, and that gave her a new boost of confidence: “You must have more information on state secrets, don’t you Mr. Cherrystone?”

She had expected him to stop the recorder, but he hadn’t moved. 

“There are these messages in graffiti all across the city that keep getting erased. You must’ve seen them, right? _Elphaba lives_ , they say. If these messages speak the truth, the ODR must know more about that, right?”

“If the Ozian Democratic Republic indeed has more knowledge as you claim, what makes you think we don’t already have Elphaba captured in one of our facilities?”

“Because they managed to escape. My bet is the Ozlands. And the legacy Elphaba has created is a threat to you. But you have information I don’t have, and I want it.”

“To reunite with them,” he deadpanned.

“Yeah,” Glinda breathed out. “For the information I’m about to give you, all I ask is for evidence either confirming or denying my suspicion. You get to kill off their legacy, and you’ll grant me passage through whatever border I need to cross. I will never return. The state gets the few lands and houses I still owe, and all belongings in them. That’s my price.”

Cherrystone rubbed his chin. “I’ll grant you this much, Lady Glinda, you’re bold to assume you’re in a position to negotiate.”

“It can’t hurt to try.”

He looked her over. “Your conditions are quite high, so this information better be valuable.”

What had she gotten herself into? She was in way over her head. Elphaba barely shared anything from the resistance. Everything she did know was about a decade old. No way would it still be relevant to whatever was left of the resistance, if it even existed these days. The information she had could never be good enough to meet her demands. 

“First, I will need your word you accept my conditions.”

Cherrystone narrowed his eyes. “Your conditions will be matched with the value of your information. Now let’s get started, where in Emerald CIty did you two meet?”

Glinda’s throat dried. “At the Corn Exchange near line 4. It was an abandoned building they lived in. It resides on the opposite side of the Wall, I’m not sure if it still exists.”

“How often did you meet?”

“It depended, Elphaba was the one who determined that. Usually at least once a week, sometimes more than that. There were periods we were three weeks apart. I stayed there at varying intervals, too.”

“Right, and what do you know about Elphaba’s function within the resistance?”

“They recr-” it felt as if someone had grabbed her neck and was trying to choke her. All these years, all this time, she had kept Elphaba’s secret. Was this really the right choice she was making? 

“Lady Glinda?”

“Sorry, I...” She shook her head and collected herself. “I’m trying to remember as best as I can. Due to their skin condition, Elphaba couldn’t be on the frontlines. They were too detectable. When I reunited with them, they were training new recruitments.”

“And what of your final day together? Any particular details of interest?”

Glinda bowed her head, that wretched day flashing through her head. “I wanted them to join me at the gardens,” she mumbled. 

Cherrystone leaned in. “Pardon?”

She inhaled sharply. “There was a protest planned. Ev and Fliaan tried to maneuver their way into Emerald City through politics. Elphaba promised me it would be a _peaceful_ protest.” Tears stung in her eyes. “I was in the City’s gardens when the first explosion hit.”

“Did you try to find them?”

“No,” she replied. “We discussed years before that if an attack happened, we would head back to the Corn Exchange as soon as possible. So that’s what I did.”

Tears trickled from her cheeks. “I stayed and waited for three whole days. I knew I couldn’t stay forever so I left an encrypted note and kept coming back at least a couple times a week. That was, until the Wall got built.”

“Did someone from the resistance ever contact you?”

She shook her head. “Our relationship was secret. Nobody in the resistance knew I was in contact with Elphaba.” 

Cherrystone finished writing his notes and put his pen in the holder. He folded his hands and stared at her. “I must ask, Lady Glinda, what evidence do you have that Elphaba is actually alive?” 

Glinda cast her gaze away and bit her cheek. She stared at the beige wallpaper. “Because Elphaba always finds a way back to me.”

It was rather foolish to think, she knew that too, but it had always been true. Elphaba only intended to stay in Emerald City for a couple of months when they left Shiz. When the resistance told them to lay low after Fiyero’s death, they stayed away for four years. Their time management might be off, but Elphaba _always_ returned. Why would this time be any different?

They could not have been able to meet her in the Corn Exchange. Elphaba couldn’t risk compromising the location only to leave Glinda a message. What if they had been brought to a safe house, wounded from the fight, and before they could head back, the Wall had already been built? There were too many variables and possibilities to simply give up hope. 

The door behind her opened and Glinda realized Cherrystone had pressed a button under his desk. 

“What did you do? What is happening?” Glinda panicked.

Cherrystone directed his attention to the man behind her. “Bring her to the TikTok room, please.”

Her eyes widened. “What is that?”

The guard grabbed her and Glinda resisted. His grip was painfully strong and he pushed her from the chair. Glinda tried to wiggle her way out of the guard’s tight grasp as he dragged her out of the room.

Glinda turned her head over her shoulder and yelled: “We had a _deal_!”

Cherrystone stood calmly behind his desk. “And I am granting you the information you need.” 

The guard forced her to move along and Cherrystone got out of her sight. After a long walk in the complicated maze of corridors Glinda got dragged into a dark room with disturbing mechanical machines moving around, completely on their own.

Her eyes widened. “What are those?”

“None of your concern.”

She was pushed to the direction of a wide circle with a vertical metal plate in the middle. The guard bound her to the plate with stiffening belts. Her back touched the cold surface and her head got pressed back with another belt wrapped around her forehead. There wasn’t even an inch left to move and breathing became difficult. The ground beneath her feet started shifting and the world was turning upside down. Glinda screamed and machines buzzed around her. 

There was a heavy _clank_ and the world stopped spinning. She looked at a different side of the room. Whatever she was strapped onto had just moved. One of the rotating machines had made its way up to her and, with a long metallic claw that was positioned and functioning like a hand, smoothened thick tape over her mouth. 

“Thank you, TikTok. Her yelling was indeed uncalled for,” a voice said out of Glinda’s sight. 

Glinda didn’t need to guess who it was; in her mind that voice was correlated with betrayal. Cherrystone stepped into vision while the TikTok was already buzzing around on another side of the room, setting something up.

“Don’t mind little TikTok, it’s still learning.” Cherrystone folded his hands behind his back. “Will you promise to behave or should I just leave the tape on?”

She glared at him with a dead look in her eyes. 

“We’ll leave it on for now. Don’t worry, I know what you might be thinking, but I’m a man of my word. You gave me information, and I’ll give you information on Elphaba’s whereabouts. TikTok is setting up the footage we recently acquired as we speak.” 

The TikTok pushed multiple large screens in front of Glinda, as all-encompassing as her vision was wide. 

Cherrystone traced the equipment to double check if everything was in place. Then he smiled at her. “Enjoy the film, why don’t you.”

He stepped out of her sight and she heard a door closing behind her. The screens popped on and Glinda narrowed her eyes to focus on the images. The angle was a bit awkward, shot from above. It had to be some sort of surveillance footage, but the date was scrubbed from the file. The camera had sight on a nearby alleyway, and a person was standing against a brick wall, looking over their shoulder. Her heart skipped a beat.

The black-and-white footage mixed with the visual noise made it difficult to make up details, but Glinda would recognize their shape anywhere. Their tall and slender body, pressed against the wall. The sharp cut of their cheekbones and their twisted and overgrown nose. And of course, the green hue of their skin, now a mere shade of grey. Elphaba hadn’t aged a day.

Her stomach dropped at the realization. This wasn’t recent footage of Elphaba, this was _old_ footage. As old as she had remembered them being on their last day together. Glinda’s eyes drifted to their outfit and recognized it to be the exact same outfit they had worn that day.

_No._

At the speed of a flash something flew across the screen and Elphaba instantly reacted. Their body crumbled to the ground and their hand shot to where the bullet must have hit. Their breathing went rapid and beneath their hand, blood started to colour their shirt dark. 

The footage kept rolling and Glinda’s eyes, wet from tears, were glued to the screen. Nobody was next to them as they got shot. No other resistance member ran up to their body and put pressure on the wound or dragged their body to a safe house. It was just Elphaba fighting against their own mortality for as many minutes as it took. With every passing second Glinda saw them growing weaker, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She watched with a hold in her breath, until their stomach dropped and their body went limp. 

Tears streamed down her face. She quietly sobbed and tried to gasp for air, but the tape prevented her from doing so. A door creaked opened and Cherrystone walked up to her and ripped the tape from her mouth. She didn’t even notice the pain.

She couldn’t hang her head, or wipe away her tears. In every sense of the word she felt helpless. Helplessly standing here, a decade later, watching the love of her life dying right in front of her eyes, and not being able to reach out. 

“You left me no dignity,” Glinda whispered through her tears. “Nothing at all.”

Cherrystone folded the tape into a small piece and stuck it in his pocket. “How so? I kept my promise.”

“ _Piss off_ ,” Glinda snarled. “You could’ve just told me Elphaba died that day. But you slowly stripped me naked and then dropped me into a freezing ocean.”

“Ah, but would you have believed me if I had told you? Because from where I was standing, you were too delusional to believe anything except the hard truth.”

“Not even a _second_ of your interrogations was genuine. Treating people like this? There is no shred of humanity in you.”

He pressed his lips together until they became a thin line. Behind him the footage of Elphaba rewinded in rapid speed.

“I can do this for hours, Lady Glinda,” he spoke threateningly. “Can you?”

He stepped away and the moment before Elphaba’s death played again. A single moment of innocence, where they looked over their shoulder, stacked up against the brick wall.

“ _NO!_ ” Glinda screamed out. 

She moved her muscles against the tightly strapped belts. Her veins stung from the strength she used, but they didn’t give in. 

A projectile flew across the screen and Glinda’s eyes were immediately drawn to the movement. The bullet hit Elphaba, exactly as it had last time, and they crumbled to the ground.

“ _STOP IT!_ ” 

She squeezed her eyes shut and refused to look. Her head was throbbing against the weight of the belt. She screamed and sobbed and tried to wriggle herself out of the belts that had her locked in. 

And though she never wanted to see that awful film again, it was impossible to ignore. She could see the light flickering behind her eyelids. She saw flashes when she jerked with all her might against the belts. Even without sound, she heard the shot fire. Even a decade apart, she yearned to hold Elphaba in her arms. 

The images grabbed her attention without her wanting to. Every time she thought it was over, it started again. Every time she thought Cherrystone was done torturing her, she saw Elphaba die all over again. 

\--

Brrr was fast asleep under his cozy blankets when he stirred awake from a continuous knocking on his door. He rubbed his eyes and checked his alarm, which happily blinked in a bright red it was 03:17 in the morning.

He groaned as he stood up, knowing it could be one of the Time Dragon Clock’s sources delivering very sensitive information, he could not leave the door unanswered. He quickly threw on a shirt and peered through the small looking glass and saw nothing but striking white hair. It could only be one person, and in a swift motion Brrr opened the door.

Nor didn’t look good. Their entire body was shaking and their already thin build had lost weight in the weeks Brrr hadn’t seen them. It looked unhealthy, like they had skipped entire meals. Then there were the heavy bags under their bloodshot eyes. Had they been crying? Brrr had never seen them cry. On a closer look, there was a trail of tears visible that had run over their cheeks. 

Brrr opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. It had bothered him how Nor had left the building, and blamed himself for crossing a line. He had reached out to them several times, but since he hadn’t gotten any response, Brrr thought either Nor wanted nothing to do with him or they were done serving the Time Dragon Clock. Seeing Nor in the state they were in, all he knew was how little he understood.

Nor swallowed harshly and looked at him. “I need help.”

He nodded and gestured for them to come in. He switched on the main light and told Nor they could sit at the table. 

“Do you want anything to drink?”

“Water.”

Brrr poured two glasses of water and sat down at the round wooden table. It was quiet for a while. Nor sipped at the water and looked around his living space. They had never visited his apartment before, and Brrr could tell that whatever happened, Nor needed some time to accommodate. Their body started shaking less and their breathing became subtler.

It was when his unconscious drifted back to where his dream had left him, Nor dropped the bomb all at once.

“I nearly killed myself tonight.”

Brrr’s eyes widened in shock. “Whoa.” 

“Yeah,” Nor agreed. “I went to a really bad mental place. I never should’ve left.”

“You mean, work?”

“That day, when I left, I got trapped in my own story.” They stared into their glass. “The only conclusion to that story is death.”

Brrr furrowed his brow and Nor took notice. They took a breath and explained: “Death is my family’s legacy. My whole family got murdered by the Gale Force. They slit my father’s throat and my mother starved to death. My brothers got ill and got shot in the head. That’s why I don’t believe in the Unnamed God, because if there was such a presence in the universe, it wouldn’t have let me live.”

“Isn’t that exactly a reason to believe in an Unnamed God?”

They scoffed. “No god would be _that_ merciless. Only an indifferent universe would let me live.”

Brrr studied them carefully. “But you did live.”

“I did live,” Nor said. “But sometimes, like tonight... I wish I didn’t.”

They blinked to stop the tears from coming and Brrr could tell how difficult this must be for them. Their body started to twitch again and Brrr felt the strong need to comfort them. 

“You don’t have to tell me, Nor.”

They shook their head and he could hear the tears in their voice when they said: “All this time I kept it inside, and it only leads down a dangerous path. I _need_ to tell my story. Or I’ll suffocate.”

“Okay,” he nodded. “But only as far you’re willing to go.”

“Fuck.” They blew their nose. “If only…” Nor’s eyes were focused on the tips of their shoes. “Men have never… didn’t ask… conquered me as if I was their masturbatory doll.”

“Fucking hell,” Brrr whispered in horror.

“Yeah,” Nor mumbled. “It has infested my mind. Not even my body is my own. They left scars all over me.” With a shaky hand, Nor reached for their shoulder to lower their sleeve.

“You don’t -” Brrr put his hand up to halt their action. “I don’t have to see those scars to believe you, Nor. Seeing traces of those who intentionally hurt you… that is not for me to see. I don’t think I even want to. I don’t think you want me to see, either.”

Nor swallowed and folded their hands in their lap. “Not particularly, no.”

Even though long white hair hid most of their face, Brrr recognized their pained expression. The hurt and confusion and utter despair of a person pushing all your buttons with no regret. It was an expression he was familiar with, too. 

“There was this small gathering in Red Sand. Hosted by the Time Dragon Clock, you see. It was my ticket out.” Nor paused. “It saved my life.”

Nor’s body went still, like a lifeless entity. “You need to understand, I am not loyal to the Time Dragon Clock. Not like you expect people to be. I don’t believe in taking sides. I have been betrayed too many times to do so. I joined out of self-preservation and what I learnt today is I have to stay for that same reason. So, you do not have my loyalty, but you have my allegiance.”

Not a muscle in their body moved. It was as if they expected punishment for the statement. 

“That is all we require, Nor,” Brrr reassured them. 

He pondered for a moment, not knowing when he could bring it up any other time. “And I need to apologize for touching you that day you ran away. I had no idea about all of this.”

Nor look at him weirdly. “You think _that’s_ what made me ran away?”

Brrr now looked equally confused. “Wasn’t it?”

“No, some old hacks were talking about my father’s death right in front of me. It sucked me right into that bad place. I freaked out when you touched me because well,” they halted. “Well, you know.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I do know.” Perhaps he even knew it too uncomfortably well. “N-Not that it’s any point of comparison, but I had a very bad relationship a couple of years ago.”

 _Muhlama H'aekeem_. That had been her name. And Brrr thought he was madly in love with her, but in hindsight she had only used him. She had been demanding, aggressive, and though she had never hit _him_ , she had broken more than enough around him to make him coware. 

In his early twenties, he thought disapproval was better than invisibility. Oh, how he had changed his tune. 

“Like I said, not any point of comparison, but I understand a smidgeon of how you feel. We had sex way before I was ready to.”

“That’s rape.”

He wanted to protest. Muhlama had never meant to hurt him like that, she just had a lot on her plate. If he had been more persistent and more clear it was too soon to have sex, she wouldn’t have gone so far. But in the face of another survivor, all his objections were futile. 

“Yes, I guess it was.”

He stood up from the chair and turned away, not wanting to continue the conversation. He unclenched his jaw and tried to let the memories fade to the back of his mind. 

“If you feel safer at home, I understand, but you’re welcome to my couch. Since it’s after curfew, I do insist on walking you back home if you do.” 

It stayed quiet for a while. When Brrr finally turned around to see if Nor hadn’t just up and vanished from the room, he saw they had gone over the couch and tested the seating. 

Nor fluffed up one of the pillows and unfolded the blanket. “I don’t mind your couch.”

Brrr smiled a little. “Fresh dreams, Nor. I’ll see you in the morning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like the rest of this fic will be a healing process, so should you heal from this chapter. [Here's](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QS0o8eM-lw) a short and calming video of a guitarist and their dog playing a song.


End file.
